Upon Entering The Holidays

Long, Long Winter

One down, 3 to go.

Halloween is over. I was pretty okay through most of the day. I had a tiny crying jag on the way home, but stopped quickly fearing that I would make a mother feel worse than I do by running over her child. I didn't have enough time to really dwell on the day.

As everyone knows, Hurricane Sandy wreaked havoc on the North East earlier this week. I am a Bostonian, though missed much of the storm in Miami for a friend’s wedding. Though I never like to see people’s homes and lives destroyed, I do love a good storm and was sad to miss it… but not that sad. I ended up having my flight delayed by a day and a half, arriving home late the day before Halloween. I bought candy on the way home from work and arrived in the neighborhood while kids were making their way down the streets. That is when the crying jag took place. I would have/ could have/ should have had a 5 month old to show off last night. Thank goodness I didn’t remember to buy a baby costume last November 1^st like I had meant to.

There was one point that I did just close the door and cry. A woman came up with three kids probably between the ages of 3 and 8. She had a baby in her arms. They were adorable. They were not mine. I didn’t have a pumpkin, ladybug or monkey in a sling in front of me. Sometimes I just can’t stand it. Usually I can.

I think Thanksgiving will be a respite, as it is purely a food holiday. I can be Thankful for surviving this year (god willing). Christmas.. that’s going to be a complete and total shit show. I am almost positive Hub didn’t take out the “Last year of you and me” and the 2 birds with an egg between them ornaments that we had to commemorate my pregnant Christmas. The Christmas things are next to the pregnancy things in the attic. Christmas was the very last day last year I was happily, blissfully expecting a baby in May. A healthy baby. A baby that had potential.  December 26^th I got the call that changed everything. New Years I was trashy: both drunk and pregnant. I thought Blue Sunday should enjoy just one luxury of growing up. We had already scheduled the termination by then. 4 days later is Blue Sunday’s day. I don’t know what I’ll do for it.

But I am getting ahead of myself.

To cannibalize a phrase:  Today I got through a holiday, and today I love that I survived.

It's gonna be a long, long winter for me

It's gonna be a long, long winter you see
It's cold outside I'm just not feeling right
My woman left me on the midnight train

she ain't coming back again
Well that girl she's gone from me, left my heart in misery
Bob Marley, Long Winter