I Walk the Line

I can't keep it together.

Those symptoms I had yesterday? Gone. I'm not gaggy, I'm not crying out when anyone brushes my breasts, I'm not even as tired as I was (I am always a little tired).

I am totally terrified at 5 weeks 3 days pregnant or not pregnant at all anymore. Honestly, I'm waiting for the bleeding and cramping to start.

For a few days I was excited to see pregnant women, wondering when I would look like them. I was desperately hoping my friends would TTC soon, as they planned. This morning I cursed to myself seeing a pregnant woman walking to work.

I called my OB/GYN (the one I love) this morning. I got her receptionist who, after her usually coolness, sounded seriously compassionate as I explained: I'm Lizzy, I am Dr's patient but have been seen by the RE for a few months. I am pregnant and I did have the blood test positive about a week and a half ago (small lie, but I didn't really mean to HOW has it only been a week and 1 day??). The RE won't see me again until 7 weeks and I am really worrying myself sick. Literally sick. After what happened last time I just can't deal with this" then I started crying. She put me on hold and I assume went to talk to the doc. She got back on the line and told me the u/s woman would call me back. That seemed a little strange, but I'll hold out for it.

Hub really doesn't want me to have a scan without him, so I am going to call and tell him to skip lunch until he hears from me, may be they will fit us in for a u/s today? I really just wanted bloods done.. though the u/s might give a quicker answer.. at least we could see if there is a sac in there, right?

To be updated....

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my eyes wide open all the time
I keep the ends out for the tie that binds
Because you're mine, I walk the line
Johnny Cash, I Walk the Line