No News is No News

Still here, still pregnant.

I lied a bit in my title, I guess there is some news, and I was debating sharing it. I really don't want to be a whiny birth-er after being BOTH a BLM and dealing with IF, you know, real things to complain about. But this is my proverbial party and I will cry if I want to (cry if I want to).

Yesterday I had yet another appointment. This one with my new midwife.

Did we cover this here? I think not. So my midwife found out she is pregnant (yay) and is super sick (boo) and will no longer be engaging in the hellish commute from her home to my city, 1.5 hours away (in the ever present traffic). I can't blame her, I really can't. BUT booooo for me. This is the SECOND person I really liked who won't be able to deliver my baby (my OB/GYN is on delivery hiatus after adopting her son). So at my 40+ week appointment, I meet a new midwife. She has no idea about Blue Sunday, the fact that I am neurotic or my baseline stats. The appointment lasted well over an hour (which is a good thing) and had all the twists and turns of a trashy soap opera (is that redundant?)

Hub was able to sneak out of work and join me for the appointment (sometimes being the boss pays off :) ) and I was really relaxed going into it. He beat me there, grabbed me a cup of tea and was waiting for me at the check in desk when I got there. I checked in and we sat in the waiting room, just chatting. The nurse I like the best took me back and took my BP- which was 138/86. Insanely high for me. She checked it 3 times and it was bouncing around the same value. I could tell she was nervous, had me pee in a cup and waited so she could check it right away. It was fine.

Her anxiety rubbed off on us and so hub and I were worried and on pins and needles waiting for the midwife. She came in and started with intros and general history, really didn't mention the BP at first, aside from the fact that she was looking for my previous values. She asked about how I'm feeling and I just started crying.

I am so thankful to be so close to this baby, I really, really am. There is no "but" with that. In addition to feeling thankful though, I also feel SICK. I throw up Every. Single. Day. sometimes more than once. I don't eat breakfast and I have  very small lunch.. I just know I'm going to be sick and unable to function for several hours... I can't miss that much work. By dinner time I'm starving. I "overeat" eating about 1/2 of what I would have eaten pre-pregnancy, get horrible heartburn and reflux within an hour and then about an hour and a half later throw up. Every day. In the mean time, I eat about 300 tums and drink lots of milk.

When I do eat, it isn't just the upper GI, I feel SO FULL I end up having (useless) contractions and just get really, really uncomfortable for no reason. It would be one thing if the contractions were getting Take Two out into the world.. but they are not.

Anyway recap- Food = feel sick. Not eating = feel starving. Lizzy =  sad.

So the MW recommended some meds, and in desperation I am going to try them.

Then we did a cervical check and there is basically no change from Christmas Eve- baby is lower and I'm now 2.5cm dilated vs 2. She wants an ultrasound and recommended Friday, since she is in the office M,W and F and hub is working Wednesday. Then I started losing it again.

I think we started talking about the BP thing and how it's borderline high, how I should come in. She has my due date as today, which was based on an incorrect LMP and doesn't take into account how early we triggered or the fact that I have two early scans with due dates of 1/3 and 1/4. She said the hospital doesn't like to induce before 41. But I WILL BE 41 on Friday!!! I went into how my BP is usually low. Then I was just like "look I'm an anxious mess" and went into Blue Sunday, the IF, the freaky timing of my due date and how I just want an alive and healthy baby.

So she moved the u/s to Wednesday (tomorrow) early morning and then I have an appointment with her to see about my BP and go over the results. Based on my feeling so bad, the BP and my terror they might induce tomorrow. YIKES.

You would think, with all this lead up, that I think this is a good thing. To be honest though, I am sad to not get the experience of going into labor. I don't know that I want to induce because of it. I just don't know what to do. I don't want this to be so complicated!!