If You're Going Through Hell

I just need a bit of a ramble tonight, it's been a hard day.

My mother-in-law called this morning while I was tending to bub and hub was out spending our tax return on a crazily expensive saw so he can play with it finish my hallways. I missed the call but didn't think too much of it, tomorrow is Easter after all, so we're going there for dinner and need to make final plans. 

My phone rang again not long after and I had bub squared away for the moment so I answered. It was my dad letting me know that MIL called him letting him know her dad was just taken by ambulance to to the hospital. Cutting out the long, confused middle of this story, it turns out he had a major stroke on both sides of the brain. He will not come out of it according to the doctors. We have made the decision to place him on hospice care.

This is the man that raised my hub, when we met, he was still doing push-ups and sit ups every day. After his wife died suddenly he started to decline. In the nearly 10 years since, he's given up his house, his reading, going to mass and yes, even the push-ups and sit-ups. He's has a few strokes in the past few years, he broke his hip. This is a hard time and will be a hard loss. We are so thankful he made it to see Liam Francis, his middle-name namesake be born safely into this world.

On top of that, which is bad enough really, my uncle, my dad's brother, is in the hospital and not doing well. His lungs are failing, after years of smoking (all kinds of things). He is a nice man, eccentric, a little rough around the edges, but those are all good things. My dad already lost a brother, along with both his parents at a young age. I'm hoping he pulls through, but it doesn't look good. 

In less upsetting news, Liam remains a terrible sleeper. He won't sleep in his on bed most nights. I am still terrified of bed-sharing, but that seems to be the only way we get any sleep. He still won't nap and this is making for very exhausted mommy and baby.. and I'm back to work now. 

On that note, I HATE my work situation. There is just a whole lot of not good happening, including me really not believing in core of the company any longer. Neither my boss nor his boss are speaking to me. Yes, you read that right, the two of them just walk on by my cube. It is very strange. My boss's boss said that he is "Interested to see if Ray and Lizzy put the company first or their babies". Really? Is there a question? I put every living thing before a company. My boss said to my maternity leave replacement "Watch out for the young ones. They are out to get us". There are FOUR "young ones", Ray, another woman, a guy and me.. so apparently I'm on the shit list.

My life is a stress sandwich. All except this face:

 

Well you know those times when you feel like
There's a sign there on your back
That says I don't mind if you kick me, seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You think it can't get worse than that
And then they do

...

If you're goin' through hell keep on going
Don't slow down if you're scared don't show it
You might get out before the devil even knows you're there
Rodney Atkins, If You're Going Through Hell