REcap

I'm sure 365,289,465,038,745 people have done that as a title on an infertility blog, but I love it.  We had a RE appointment late last week. In December we did all our testing (again). Hub had an SA, I did the SPG, lots of bloodwork. There was a little blip where my TSH was high, but we did a re-test and it was fine. RE isn’t concerned.  

The initial follow-up appointment was scheduled almost a week after I expected to start my next cycle and it conflicted with work appointment, so I pushed it a few days back.. and then started the day of the original appointment. Meaning I could have had my medicated cycle this month. LAME.

I was really, really anxious leading up to this appointment. I'm not exactly sure why. May be I feel like baby 2 would be too good to be true? I can't possibly have an assisted conception as easy as last time (first shot for those of you who weren't here then) sand there is no way I could have a second child who is as wonderful as bub. I sat in the car outside the RE freaking the F out for a bit.

So when we did make it to the RE, we had a talk through all of our results- and they were all fantastic (phew). Then we got into treatment plan discussion. There was a RE in training there with my doc who had participated in a randomized, doubleblind, clinical trial of clomid vs femera. Femera (letrozole) is used off-label for infertility (it is actually a breast cancer drug). They did a study in women with PCOS and showed that femera resulted in more ovulations, pregnancies and live births. There was no statistical differences in pregnancy loss, fetal anomalies or multiples rates. There were fewer side effects on femera reported.

She mentioned this study, and I read it when I got home (I have the ability to access full text medical journals). With all this information in mind, we've decided to move forward with femera next month. I think the RE was surprised I decided to change course, given my success last cycle, but I'm not (that) superstitious and I really hated the migraines. And, if there is a better rate of success with femera, may be the good lightning will strike twice and I can have a first cycle BFP, happy healthy pregnancy and another beautiful rainbow.

Feels like I'm asking too much?

Yeah. I know. Even the RE mentioned (again) don't expect a cycle 1 BFP again.

Insanity

Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. –Albert Einstein

 

Yeah. I know this is crazy, you know this is crazy and yet, I can’t help but give this a “good try”.

 

We are trying all on our on this month and I have vowed to try hard. I know I did that for 14 months (almost all of them – there were a few duds) but what’s one more time?

 

I’m off of soda and alcohol* on moderate workouts and my husband. Lol

 

I saw this this morning.  (That’s the “hey you’re about to ovulate” message on the ClearBlue Fertility Monitor)

 

That in and of itself is a bit insane. Before Blue Sunday I was SO regular- days 11, 12 and 13 were high (2 bars) and day 14 was peak (the little egg symbol on the third bar). After Blue Sunday I was a MESS. Sometimes I would go many days of low fertility before getting a high. That pushes back the next month’s start testing day (default is testing day 6- 16. I will adjust dates based on your previous cycle/s)- That led to me getting the peak fertility egg on the first day of testing! Other times I would be high (2 bars) for 5, 6, even a week of sticks in a row. Today is day 12. I was high on days 9, 10 and 11. It is a little early, but otherwise a normal pattern (CBFM should give 2-3 days of high before peak). My cycles have been longer in the last few months (MUCH longer than I was averaging when trying for bub), so I think my luteal phase will be OK for once. When I was trying for bub, My cycles were as short as 24 days with O on day 17!   Totally not conducive to baby-making.

 

My fingers are crossed SO HARD for this month.

 

Otherwise, I’m on femera next month- a change from what we did to conceive bub (which was clomid). I’ll post about that tomorrow.

 

Until then, I’ll be pretending today was a trigger shot- BD for 3 days in a row! Good time for a “crippling, historic snowstorm!" If this works- fetus will be known as Blizzard Baby ;)

 

*I will probably have a couple of drinks during the monster snow storm we’re getting (30 inches are in the forecast….)

#microbloggingMonday Blessed

Blessed.

I don't use that word lightly, given my super-conflicted feelings over religion, God and spirituality in general. But I am Blessed.

We had kins' 1st birthday party yesterday (late) and so many people came we were literally shoulder to shoulder in my little house for a few hours.

We got lots of presents (even though we asked for nothing when asked what he needed/wanted), and many more hugs, kisses and smiles than I could ever imagine.

My heart is full for love of my family and friends so close they count as family.

More pictures in the proper birthday post to follow, but I'll leave you with one:

#MicroBloggingMonday- Inspiration

MLK Day 2015


I am not religious, but I love the oration and word-smithing of preachers. A graduate of my alma mater (with a PhD) Dr. Martin Luther King, Junior has far more quotable quotes than most preachers. Here is one of my favorites, apropos for this community, I think. Requiescat in pace, Dr. King.




http://www.hdwallpapersphoto.com/3843/martin-luther-king-day-2014-wallpapers.html

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

#microbloggingMonday: Monday Make-you-Laugh

Ok, Monday Make-you-Laugh isn’t a thing, but it should be.

 

As mentioned in my last post there will be no clomid this month- so we are on our own. I have my reasons for wanting to get pregnant ASAP (aside from raging baby fever and ticking clock- I need to order a bridesmaid dress for September Wedding by March- I’d like to know if I need a size 10 or a size 20).

 

With that in mind, I’m gearing up to try on our own. To that end, I pulled out my old friend the Clearblue Fertility Monitor. I ordered new sticks in the mail. It needed batteries (poor thing is 3 years old now) and last night I finally remembered to bring it downstairs to replace them. Hub looked at me with fear. In the exact tone you would use with an addict as they start slipping off the wagon  (accusatory, resigned)  he said:

 

“You’re going to pee on stuff again, aren’t you? I saw you got those sticks in the mail the other day. You missed it didn’t you, peeing on things?”

 

I kind of did.


Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

Damned if You Do

Apparently not Damned if you don’t

 

My planning session with the RE is delayed another cycle.

 

I goofed and forgot to schedule my follow-up with the doc when I scheduled my Day 3 labs last month. Usually that isn’t an issue, but with the holidays there was a lot of appointments the first 2 weeks of January. Since I scheduled it late, Day 6 (12/19) the next available appointment was 1/15. Day  32. I only went that late without being pregnant once* in the 2+ years of cycles TTC. Lame.

 

More lamely, I had a rather important work meeting pop up, the middle of which was when the appointment was scheduled. I had planned on keeping it until  started, but on Tuesday 1/6 I had all the symptoms so in a fit of woe- I rescheduled for 1/21 (see what the holidays do? It took almost a month for one appointment, a week for another).

 

Well guess what hasn’t shown up yet (as of Day 29).

 

If I go one more day, I could have kept my appointment and restarted clomid this month.

 

Lame.

 

*I know this is true because I am a freak and made a spreadsheet. Before I was TTC obsessed I was a like-clockwork 28 days. Then Blue Sunday happened and my cycles fell apart, along with just about everything else.

 

P.S. I have not tested. In the 6 months we’ve been trying, I haven’t taken one. I am trying to see a positive on the first HPT I pee on this go-round. What a concept.

EDD- Kins

One year ago was my due date (the first one they gave). I was huge, uncomfortable and still scared. I wanted kins out and in my arms. I saw no end in sight.

Due Date

3 years ago today was the day Blue Sunday was freed. I can't quite believe the way those dates came together. I have no pictures of me that day. I didn't want to remember, though I do.

Today, I planned my living child's first birthday party. It is still sureal that he is here and wonderful. So, so wonderful.

At the Aquarium