Mean

2/22/12
Back on track?

According to My Clear Blue Fertility Monitor I am ovulating today! Though hub and I came to the conclusion that we would take this month off,  there is an outside chance I will get pregnant this cycle anyway. 4 days ago we had sexy time baby making style.  I thought my O date was off, which it was but only by two days. After reading horror stories of women who had 35-47 day first cycles after tx, I am surprised I'm only 2 days behind my usual. I am on track for an acceptable 30 day cycle. This would put AF day on March 6th and my ovulating right at the 1/2 into vacation time point. Perfect if you ask me, 1/2 for drinking 1/2 for baby making. Who could complain?

I suppose me. I can't believe that I am here again. I was worrying about how my parents would be away for weeks 32 and 33 of my pregnancy and I was scared of going into labor... And now I'll be with them, trying again. It feels so unfair. A cosmic joke for feeling so lucky and happy.

Everything I Do, I Do it for You (Everything I Do) I Do it for You,  Bryan Adams
Some asshole on-line thinks that future children after a TFMR feel guilty for only existing because of the Tx child. She is someone who I just don't like, so I don't claim to have a neutral opinion. I don't want to air my grievance, because I won't stoop to her level BUT here is how I feel: I get that she is hurting, because her child died (for which I am sorry) but that DOES NOT give you the right to tell me that my future children will resent me for guilt they feel for existing at the expense of my first child, their older sibling. This comment was because I  voiced an opinion that Carrying to term (CTT) isn't for everyone or every baby and I am happy I TMFRed, just as she is happy to have CTTed. I. AM. SO. ANGRY.

The thing is, I know it isn't true. I didn't TMFR so that I could have a different, healthy child. What I did, I did FOR Blue Sunday, not TO Blue Sunday.

I'll bet you got push around, somebody made you cold

But the cycle ends right now cuz you can't lead me down that road

And you don't know when you don't know

Someday I'll be living in a big old city

And all you're ever gonna be is mean

Taylor Swift, Mean