Struggling: My troubled mind

Sigh.

I try to keep a happy face, particularly in this miraculous pregnancy. But I am really struggling.

I can't put a finger on why. Exhaustion? Fear? Overwhelmed with work and home life? Frustration with our continued lack of a kitchen? Missing my people while I'm busy with the new job/ busy kids etc? All of the above?

The straw that broke me was finding a deer tick embedded in MG. We went to a family wedding on Saturday- in the woods. (obligatory adorable wedding picture of the kiddos)

The kids played with their new, distant cousins all day in grass. We came home to them sleeping so popped them in bed. I thought I gave them a bath on Sunday.. but I guess not? Monday we had a bath, but Tuesday morning we found the tick burrowed in. I assume it was there from Saturday and burrowed in Sunday or Monday before bath time? Which means it was there with plenty of time to get a full meal off my little girl and transmit Lyme if infected (36-ish hours).

We called the pedi (actually to be clear my parents found it, googled treatment course, waited for hub to come home, told him about it, they all waited for me to come home told me and I said "So who called the pedi"... crickets) pedi said MG is too little to have preventative abx so we just have to wait a month and do a blood test. So the internet was right and it wasn't actually a "call the pedi right now" situation... but it was to me. I'm going to die.

I can't handle this. I hate waiting. I hate the worry. I have crushing anxiety in pregnancy anyway. This is putting me out of my mind.  What if she has Lyme? I'll feel horrible, and responsible. I know we live in the Northeast and that this is the reality of outdoor living here. But MG is my baby.

I know this doesn't sound reasonable. Lyme is treatable and we are watching her so it isn't going to go untreated... but I can't help my worried mind.


I took a walk around the world to
Ease my troubled mind
Kryptonite, 3 Doors Down