BF(agai)N

Second Femera cycle was a bust. These BFNs are getting miserable.

There were a few days that I thought I was going to be positive, the test was definitely darker one day compared to the ones before. I even showed hub and he had a few moments of excitement. Note to self: be sure before sharing. By 9, 10 and 11 DPO though, I knew it was negative. I’m glad I was testing because I have been emotional and heavy-chested and would have thought I was going to be positive.

I had my beta this morning- because they make you do it even when on CD2 (probably because of people like me who have a chemical withoutknowing)- and managed to get the ultrasound as well. Last month, this was an issue- since I started overnight the night before the beta and couldn’t call the nurse before my blood test. (Dramatic story here) This time my cycle was kind enough to start about 4pm- just in time to call the nurse and get on the u/s schedule. Be thankful when you can find something to be thankful for, right?

Anyway, the timing of this cycle is crazy- since 2 years ago to the day I started the cycle I conceived Bub on. I’d have the same due date if we were successful- which is the same date as Blue Sunday’s termination. Weird. I hated having a January due date, I was huge and uncomfortable for the holidays (food was a no-go, no very, very limited wine, on-line shopping only) and then bub and I were stuck in the house until the week before my maternity leave ended because of the cold/ice/snow. But, beggars can’t be choosers.

If this cycle (#3 on Femera) is a failure as well, we’ll be moving on to IUI. It was offered to me this cycle (though the doc’s suggestion was one more time on our own) but the timing would be MISERABLE. I was considering taking this month off because of other pressures (exam, huge work deadline, Frozen Four) but in the end, want a baby more than sanity.

At my mid-month check in appointment, I was told they: “have to do at least 2 IUIs before attempting IVF per insurance”. First time those 3 letters were uttered to me.  Also, I got the impression they expected me to be sad over last month’s chemical. I am not sad. So I feel bad about that.