This Love is Taking its Toll on Me

WOAH.

That's all I can say about motherhood at this point.

It is crazy, hard, wonderful and amazing. We are tired, yet invigorated. I am so in love, but want to scream and cry. It is both harder and easier than I ever imagined.

99% of the difficulty I'm experiencing comes from breastfeeding. I honestly hate it, but so love looking into his little face as he eats. I love knowing he's getting just the right nutrients and all my antibodies.  Tomorrow we are going to a BF support group (I am such a joiner...), hopefully it will give me some motivation to continue. If not... he won't starve and he won't die (I don't think he'll die anyway, please see my love of the antibodies).  I did get a pump, just knowing that I have a feeding in the fridge lightened my worry a little. I was told not to pump or bottle feed for the first month but... for the sake of my sanity that rule needed to be broken. I know I would stick with it if hub didn't have to go back to work... but obviously he does, a week from tomorrow. I am dreading it. SO. MUCH.

Aside from BFing woes.. yeah, I'm tired but everything is really going well. He is actually a really good sleeper- we've gotten 4-5 hours on occasion- but some nights- like Friday night he just doesn't want to sleep. I slept for 3 hours and was "in bed" from 8pm to 11am. Marathon breast feeding sessions, followed by burping, followed by sliding him into the co-sleeper and drifting into almost-sleep before he wakes me crying for food 20 minutes later. The 3 hours of sleep I did get were 2 1.5 hour breaks where hub took him down stairs so I could get some rest. It was brutal.

Other than sleeping and eating, he's just the best. Very cuddly and sweet,  only cries if there is a reason. I am fully expecting this to change, but 1.5 weeks in and things are really good. I mean, look at this handsome boy: