We've come to the end of the road

Though I can't let go. 

This blog is no longer an anonymous space. 

This means several, important things. 

First, I have hurt someone (or several someones... I don't know that it is just one person or multiple people) that I care about deeply.  That was never, ever my intention. This space was so that I could say what I feel without hurting people. Getting my nasty, hurt, jealous feelings out so that the other kind, normal feelings could be the ones I air publicly. Just to say one thing so it is clear for anyone reading this: there aren't feelings that are more or less true. If I say one thing here and another to your face it doesn't mean one is a lie. My feelings, particularly around pregnancy are very, very complicated. Unless my story is like something you've gone through, I don't know that you can understand. 

That leads to the second thing. 

This can never happen again. I didn't sleep last night (after I was informed Soemone was reading my blog).  I have major GI distress and feel 9 weeks pregnant in terms of brutal nausea/vomiting. I almost had to pull over driving to work. (And I know I am not pregnant, unfortunately). Here is how it's going to be from now on:

I'm sure some of you noticed that the blog was set to private for some time. To publish this message, I'm setting ALL prior posts to draft.. This will be the only post on the blog. If you want access, please comment or email me. I ask that you be on your honor that you 1) don't know me in real life or 2) I do know you but I've known you read the blog (I think this is only my AWC ladies). 

Before the blog RE-debuts as a private blog, I will be going though and removing any mention to anyone aside from me, hub, Blue Sunday and bub. I know this will change the blog- a lot of my musings here were how I was trying to relate to the non-loss world. Unfortunately, I forgot that the internet is not actually anonymous and getting caught is not worth the relief of airing non-PC feelings. 

Again, Please, email me if you want access. It's something I never did when blogs I read went anonymous, but do as I say not as I do. 

For those that don't follow me: this blog saved my sanity. It was a place I could say things I wouldn't tell another soul. It was the place I could still cry over my Blue Sunday long after it was acceptable to the outside world. It was a place that I could be upset over the ease that everyone else (it seems) sails though pregnancy. Until yesterday, I would have credited it will Saving friendships. Thank you for ~35,000 views, 100s of email exchanges, 20 followers and 3 years of venting. 

Love you, Lizzy.