I mentioned in a recent post that my cycle was crazy. I also have mentioned that I am in a wedding in September. These have combined to some baby-making decisions.
I spent a few hours sorting out (new) insurance, referrals (which in the end I didn’t need, though I was initially told I did) and called the RE.
I know that some of you are reading this probably think we're jumping the gun. Here is our reasoning: It took 15 months and clomid last time. We want 3 (hub) or 4 (me) kids.. time is not on our side with that timeline. If after each kid we waited until we were ready and then started trying for 15 months, succeeded and then had a 9 month pregnancy resulting in a live birth- I'd be about 50 when we got to 4. Clearly, that is not an option. On top of that, with my history of troubled pregnancies the more into AMA I have kids, the more likely I am to have things go wrong. Again.
I called the clinic we use (Boston IVF which is FANTASTIC if you’re in the area and are in need of an RE) and spoke with the person who is dedicated to answering “are you the place for me” type calls. We know we like it there, and we know we got great (adorable) results, but I didn’t know if they can see me. As it turns out, once you’re in, you’re in. We don’t have to wait another failed year of TTC. as mentioned above there was a bit of an insurance snafu, so that was a headache, but it was sorted out and I have an appointment a week from Wednesday 12/3. YIKES.
This is just a consult type appointment to set up testing, discuss options and have the doctor tell me what we already know. I need to stop BF before starting Clomid. The woman we called- the one who answers potential patient questions- told me as much. I’m SO torn about it. In the long run, this is the right decision for my family- new baby vs. extended BF. I want kins to have a sibling close in age. I don’t want to be BF kins more than a year or so anyway.. but I’ll miss it. I’ve stopped pumping at work (yay!!!) and kins definitely is cutting back in amount of time and quantity of milk he’s taking for his 2 remaining nursing sessions- morning and night. The night session will be HARD to drop, the morning he is self-weaning away from. With the examination cycle looming, I really need to stop BF sooner rather than later even though it seems like we have time. If nursing kins lingers longer than I am anticipating then I’m ok with that too- in the long run delaying a month or two isn’t the end of the world. He’s only going to be small for a little bit longer. I already miss my baby, I’m going to be losing another piece of his babyhood at the end of BF’ing.
We have no intention of starting Clomid until at least Mid-January and likely February. This wedding has allowed us to take 2 months off from TTC- this cycle and next, giving us a natural break before gearing up again. The way my cycle fell one moth would put the due date two weeks before the wedding and the other two weeks after. I wouldn’t hold off on family building for most people, but the bride is my best friend from college and I am the maid of honor. I am so, so excited and honored. I don’t have a sister, and the maid of honor from my wedding does- so I didn’t think I would get the chance to be the MOH. I love her, and I want her day to be the day of her dreams- and part of that was to have me there and in the wedding. I’m not risking being in labor for it. I have been honest that I might be as far as 34 weeks along and she’s fine with a beach ball being in her wedding ;) Fortunately, it’s on the beach- so I’d fit right in.
So that’s the update. Exciting, a little sad and technically in a bit of a lull.
Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
Just stay this little
Oh darling don't you ever grow up, don't you ever grow up
It could stay this simple
Taylor Swift, Never Grow Up
Such a hard decision--to wean for the next baby or not to wean! Sounds like you're almost there though (weaning). Maybe Bub will be a walk-and-wean'er (haha! should I say a baby who walks and weans?), and that wouldn't be too far off. You will see what works best for you all...but don't feel too bad if you have to cut him off a little short. You will have other ways of having closeness.
ReplyDeleteI thought I would nurse until the kids were 4 if they wanted to, but even with Sprout at 2 it seems kind of weird. Just the kind of kid he is, not that it's weird generally. I got lucky with him, because he self-weaned at 14 months in mid-December last year, when I was giving him through the end of the year. It wasn't as bittersweet as I thought it would be! Freedom! Hoping it can be easy for you, too!
I went through this exact thought process at this time last year. --I just realized that our babies are almost exactly one year apart!-- And was so torn about weaning. But like you, I needed to get a move on having another baby, or it may never happen. I started weaning in November and stopped just past his first birthday. It was so hard for me at first. It was very emotional. And I was sad that my first IVF in April did not even work, so I felt like I had weaned early for nothing. But now I feel ok about it, and we are still so close, and he is growing up but will always be my little baby. I cuddle him and sit to read stories with him, so there are still lots of close up and personal times without the breast feeding. Not to mention the fact that we bring him into our bed to sleep if he makes so much as a peep in the middle of the night, in his crib. It is hard, but you will get through the weaning, and looking forward to the next stage in your family building. It will be worth it! And that is great that you are getting a consult at a top clinic. Can't wait to hear how it goes! No time to waste with 15 months and just Clomid. Maybe they need to step it up a bit. Good luck!
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