Six Years Gone- Watershed Wednesdays

Somehow it has been 6 years since the last day Blue Sunday and I were together.

Six. Years.

There was a time I didn't think I would survive 6 days, or 6 minutes for that matter. I very clearly remember laying in bed right after the diagnosis wishing time would pass in a literal flash. That I could somehow find myself some time ahead, where the pain wouldn't be so raw.

Here I am, not a flash (though sometimes it feels that way!). "Time heals all wounds" was clearly coined by an observer and not the wounded. Time has healed over the worst of the wound but the damage is deep. No one can see it but me I think.

Hub did mention Blue Sunday, in the obtuse way he does. I appreciated that. There is nothing worse than being the only one who remembers. Overall though, Blue Sunday's time, from Boxing day through the 4th of January passed with only me silently marking the days.

The trend of Watershed Wednesdays occurring on the first Wednesday of January every even year continued:

1/4/12- Termination day
1/8/14- Kin's was born!
1/6/16- MG was transfered
1/4/18- We almost lost our dog

It sounds less dramatic, but there were several hours where I thought we wold be putting down my dog Puck on Wednesday 1/4. She is a 13 year old lab who very suddenly declined. We brought her to the emergency vet and they found a tumor in her abdomen. We thought it was widespread cancer. Turns out she has Addison's disease which was causing her rapid weightloss and lethargy. We think the mass is benign but can't confirm until she is stable on her new medication.

Hub feels like we dodged a bullet. I feel like the universe decided that date has enough negatives already attached to it and we were given a break. Who knows- may be Blue Sunday played a role in getting this to turn out well for us. I like to think of him as a little guardian for our family.

Either way- here's to you my lost friend. Where ever you are, I hope it is comfortable and safe. You'll always be my first baby. And I'll always be your mom. I did my best for you, and I always will.

Our Christmas card this year had all three of my kids in it (in their own way):

The Ornament right above MG's is in honor of Blue Sunday. You can't see here but there are little blue birds on the arms of a woman looking up at the sky.

Goals 2017: Year End!

Quarterly Update #4

1) Take some time off from family planning and enjoy the family I’ve built.

Enjoy the wonderful kids (and hub!) I have.

Update 1-More or less. I have not really re-started my cycle (I had it once, when I had the stomach virus, but not since). I have mentioned trying again, again once or twice. Hub eventually suggested seeing a couples therapist.. so we’re pretty far apart in what we want additional kid wise:/
Update 2- I'm going to do this as of June, since I missed updating then. At that point, this was still a win. I FULLY enjoy the two kids I'm raising and trying not to focus on the one more I want. 
I want another baby. I am trying not to focus on it. I do know that I am in my fertile window. I didn't do an ovulation test. Partial win? I mentioned another baby to hub- he floated adoption. I'm excited about that.
Mostly a success :) We didn't TTC, we didn't go back to the clinic. But things are changing in 2018. Obviously more to come on that front. 

Final Verdict: DONE!!

2) Read 12 books. Any books. Enjoy them.

I’ve read 2 and am starting a third:

The Whistler

Apprentice in Death

Don't You Cry (slightly behind)
The Good Girl
Big Little Lies
Startup: A Novel
A Drink Before the War (on track)
The Body of Christopher Cross
A Man Called Ove (on track)
What Alice Forgot
The Wrong Mother
The Rooster Bar

Final Verdict: DONE!! (I also read 4 additional books on my ipad.. but they were really terrible YA books (that were free) so I'm not counting them)

3) Run the June 5k in under 28 minutes. Still on here from 2 years ago 3 years ago.

I HAVE been running fairly consistently, with Hub still in school I can really only run Thurs-Sun, and I’m not really in the shape to run 4 days in a row. I aim for 3 runs in 7 days, but have been getting 3 runs in 8. Not too bad. I should be on week 11 of a 10K app, so this is in reach
I was close. I ran it in 34 minutes. I know that isn't THAT close, but it's the fastest I've ever run a 5k. I have signed up for a 10k in October. So I am being consistent with running. That's more important than speed.
I ran a 5K in 31 minutes!! Closer and closer! It was part of a 10K- which I finished in 1:16 (even). Though that is a pretty terrible time given my first half, it is a full 3 minutes faster than I was 9 years, 3 rounds of IVF, 6 medicated cycles, 3 pregnancies and 2 kids ago! WIN 

Final Verdict: Not technically, but I've come a long way in running, so I'm OK with it. 

4) Pay down 30,000 in debt and keep up with other money goals (college savings, retirement etc)- we’re doing Dave Ramsey-ish. Working successfully so far.

Yes! I got a nice bonus and we’ve been really good with budgeting so we’re more than ½ way to goal 
This was done, but then we booked a cruise for  September. That will be paid before we leave so we should be good for the year. 
WIN 

We added more (0% interest)  debt, but it was for #5 below... and we are still down more than 30,000 in total debt. 

Final Verdict: DONE!!

5) Re-do the kitchen- at long last.

I REALLY hope this is this year, but I am waiting for a good price to sell some stock. All depends on the market.

We decided not to sell stock at the most recent opportunity. Will reassess next time. We don’t want to make the decision to sell and regret it. Clearly the kitchen is work-able- we’ve been in our home for 6 years.     

Once again considering selling stock and pulling the trigger on this project. To be determined.      
See above 

Drumroll--- in progress!!!!!!!!! We haven't started tearing things out but planning and purchasing is in progress. Tear out starts Sunday (after Kins' birthday party on Saturday). As an aside, we chose not the sell the stock. 

Final Verdict: In the works!

6) A few health goals: Lose 10 pounds, start yoga, keep up with vitamins, cut back on caffeine (down two 2 cups of tea and one other caffeinated item per day).

Big fail. I guess this needs to be my focus.

I did remember my vitamins though!
Working on it! I've been good with the gym, OK with the caffeine. 

Fail. 

Final Verdict: HUGE FAIL. HUGE. 2018 here I come 

7) Become involved in my community. How? TBD. 

This is still a question mark.. thinking about it though
I'm getting involved with stuff for kins. This is becoming my community involvement.
Harder than I thought.. Going to more community events, but not true involvement. 

I have gone to community events.. but I don't consider that a real win.

Final Verdict: Surprise Fail. 

Overall: This was a good year for goals. I failed in the 2 vaguest ones, so that's a good takeaway for next year. I'm very proud of sticking to reading (it is hard to carve out time with 2 little ones, and harder still to not just pick up the phone and play a game)