Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Everything's Coming Up Roses

I am flooded with wonderful news and happy times.

What a world of difference from where I was 2 years ago or where I was last year! And not just the obvious "I have a baby now", I am mentally so much better off. I know that there is a oft-reinforced mantra in the baby-loss community that a rainbow baby doesn't "fix" you, but it fixed me. Not 100% of course, Blue Sunday will always be my lost baby, and I will always be missing a piece of myself. That will never change, but it can ease, it can morph. I have never felt regretful of terminating, but there was a tiny part of me that questioned if Blue Sunday was my only chance to hold a child of mine. Since I chose a D and E, I wondered if I passed up that moment. When kins was born and I experienced that moment of meeting my child, Blue Sunday was in my mind. I felt a full peace with all the circumstances that were within my control. It will never be ok that Blue Sunday was so sick. It is OK that I chose the procedure I did- I am glad I can have a perfect image of Blue Sunday in my mind.

In non me-centric news, I know of a BFP that I am SO excited about. Wishing that hopeful mom-to-be all the luck in the world.

On Saturday, JAM welcomed their baby into the world- a SON! We're very excited to have babies of the same gender and J and hub are planning on starting a boy scout troop for the little ones (They did scouts together for their entire childhoods). The pregnancy was a nightmare. I superstitiously didn't share much about it. M bled through out the pregnancy, the baby had IGUR, in the weekly NSTs the baby's heart rate would rise up over 200 for no reason. Their OB was very concerned and induced at 37 weeks.  Their little boy is just fine- phew.

Pitchers and catchers have reported- spring must be out there somewhere.

Also, I have this sweet baby- I know I'm biased, but I think he is insanely adorable. Please ignore my crazy voice, the mess in the background and how permissive I am having my dog around my baby:

Gonna have the whole world on the plate!
Starting here, starting now,
honey, everything's coming up roses!

Bette Midler, Everything's Coming Up Roses

Monday, February 17, 2014

Goals Update 2013 wrap up

    My plan was to update on or around the 7th of each month I'm just going to update the Goals post each time and change the publication dates. 
    So it is now 2014- here is how my 2013 goals went
  1. Lose weight so that I feel healthy. Probably ~ 20lbs (3 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight- from 164 to a goal 144)
    1. Feb- I've gained 7 pounds.....  171 (I think this was a flukey high day)
    2. March- Lost those 7 from last month and 3 more to boot!... 161. This puts me on track to meet (and beat!) my goal!!
    3. June- I got down as low as 157. Back up to 160 now that I'm 9.5 weeks pregnant! This goal has been modified to: 
Remain in the healthy weight gain range for my height and pre-pregnancy weight- Goal is to gain between 15 and 25 pounds.  +3 currently
  1. Now 161.5 at 18.5 weeks pregnant. I'm not gaining much weight at all and am a little concerned that I won't gain enough vs. gaining too much.  
  2. Hahaha oh my last update made me laugh. At 32 weeks I'm now up to 176.4. That's +15 from nadir, +9.5 from start. Aiming for 25 total. I'm on track!
Wrap-up- now almost 6 weeks pp and down to 158- that means I lost all the pregnancy weight ( 18lb from start of pregnancy), gotten to my lowest pregnancy weight (160- a 24 pound gain total) and lost a bonus 2 pounds. Goal attained. 
  1. Pay off one student loan
    1. I actually just paid off last semester's school, but some went on a credit card, so I haven't done this yet, but I'm working on it 
    2. Paid off another $1000. Not a whole loan- but I'm on track!
    3. June- Paid off one!!!- Just in time to gain one back- last 6 credits coming your way.  
    4. Yes, as expected, now loan was taken for final 6 credits. Booooo
    5. Paid off about 20% if the new loan.
    6. Wrap up- done. Yay
  2. Read at least one book a month for fun (AKA not research or schoolwork)
    1. Success for January! I read The Racketeer It was enjoyable.
    2. Fail. I am half-way though Defending Jacob by William Landay, which is really good so far.
    3.  I've read 4- not the 5 I was supposed to have read: I completed Defending Jacob and read The Mephisto Club by Tess Gerritsen and Delusion in Death by J.D. Robb. Yeah- not high literature. 
    4. I read an awesome book called "The Thirteenth Tale" I highly recommend it. (This means I'm 2 books behind) 
    5. I've read a baby book, but that doesn't count. I read a really lousy book I don't remember the title of in September. 6 of 11 planned :(
    6. Wrap-up: fail. I did read 2 additional books between the last update and the end of the year. 8 of 12. I actually have aleady read 3 books this year. Nursing helps with weightloss and reading!
  3. Complete my Master’s (need practicum, exam, and 6 credits)
    1. Submitted all paperwork for the Practicum
    2. Have done 36 hours of 114 of my Practicum
    3. Have done 114 hours of 114 of my Practicum- need to finish abstract and poster- present in August
    4. Have just 2 class meetings left and then will only need 4 more credits. I have registered for my last class. I present my practicum on 8/28. My only concern is that my comprehensive exam is 11/22. I'll be 5 weeks from EDD. 
    5. Practicum = done :); 2 of 6 credits = done; 8 of 14 class meetings for final 4 credits = done; review session for exam is today, exam the 22nd!!!!
    6. Wrap up- Sooooo I finished and passed my last class, finished and passed the practicum and then failed my comprehensive exam. In my defense, I was 35 weeks pregnant, didn't fit in the seat and not dialed in when I attempted it. Will retake in April- fail. 
  4. Finish the Corrib 5K in less than 28 minutes (The first Sunday in June)
    1. My first (and only) 5K run of the year was 38:03. I need to cut 10 minutes and  3 seconds off my time. 
    2. On track to fail. Brought my run time down, but only by a minute. 37:01
    3.  Fail- Finished in about 41 minutes. But it was 95 degrees and I was 9w2d pregnant.. not the time to push it. I'll defer this goal to next year
  5. Be better about keeping up with my friends
    1. Well... I called and hung out with my college friend.. who ended up being a pregnant friend. So I'm a bit afraid to reach out to anyone again. 
    2. I've had a few good times out and about and we've planned two summer events.I'll call that a win. 
    3.  Does the toilet bowl and couch count? No? Well- we "ran" the race with a few friends, and went to a concert that night with a few others. I've been trying to socialize more. Win. 
    4. I've done well at this. Depression was making me a hermit. Now that I'm happy, things are good. 
    5. Still good- but slowing down with actually going out. I'm do tired.... Lots if calls and emails though. I've even gotten back in touch with a good out-of-state friend from college. 
    6. Wrap-up- win. I just needed to shake the sad :)
  6. Learn one new recipe a month 
    1. Last month I learned Chicken soup. Yum
    2. Lemon cupcakes with Lemon whipped cream frosting and Raspberry and Almond breakfast muffins. Not dinner, but breakfast and a snack.. we'll call it a win, but need to work on real food. 
    3.  I made minestrone soup and messed it up in the end (NOTE: measures for pasta are COOKED not dry- minestrone stew anyone?). Since then food has not been on the list of things I want to be near. Fail.
    4. I can't stand looking at food. HUGE fail. I haven't even made thing I already know how to make.
    5. I made chili this month, and a chicken and past dish last month. That's 5 of 11, which sounds like a fail, but good was so awful to me I'm calling it on track. 
    6. Wrap up- stuck at 5 of 12. I just didn't want to cook in 2013. Fail-ish
  7.  Make real steps toward being a mom- ART or adoption
    1. In IF work-up
    2. Finally working with a RE, just completed our testing with him. Have a follow-up to formalize our treatment plan next week. Win
    3.  Pregnant! Due 1/4/14. Pending win.
    4. Still Pregnant- 18w3d. Waiting on the anatomy scan a week from RIGHT NOW. If all is well, I'm going to call this Close to a win. 
    5. STILL pregnant!!!! At this point I'll hold a baby of my own genes in my lifetime :) fingers crossed it's living. 
    6. Wrap up- Liam Francis arrived save and sound 8 days into 2014. Huge win :)
  8. Re-do another room/area of the house
    1. This is part of the plan this (LONG!) weekend
    2. We've torn out the Small room, the snow has melted, so we'll be working on it this weekend
    3.  Need to paint the small room and re-do the floors- then this is done :) Plaster is out, drywall is in. Win.
    4.  Waiting on re-doing the floors in the small room. Otherwise, this is done. Hub doesn't seem to want to finish it before the u/s... I can't really blame him, but he was supposed to start the living room and hallways by now :/
    5. WIN!!! Small room is done. Living room, stair way and halls are torn out and well on their way to bring back in!
    6. Wrap up- finished Liam's room. Mostly finished living room- pending fine wood work. Success
  9. Survive to see 2014 
    1. Working on it.
    2. Still here!
    3. Can't WAIT!!!! 
    4. Tick tick tick
    5. Gosh I want this year over and this baby in my arms...
    6. Here and loving it!!

Month one re-cap:
Accomplished: 0
Needs Help: 5

Month two Re-cap:
Accomplished: 0
On-Track: 8
Needs Help: 2

Month five Re-cap:
Accomplished: 1
Deferred until Next year: 1
On-Track: 6
Needs Help: 2

Month Seven Re-cap:
Accomplished: 1
Deferred until Next year: 1
On-Track: 6
Needs Help:3

Month 11
Accomplished: 0
Deferred until Next year: 1
On-Track: 6
Needs Help:3

Year end:
Accomplished: 5
Deferred until Next year: 1
Modified: 1 (the weightloss thing feels like a win :) )
Fail: 3

Not bad really :) all and all- success!