Thursday, August 25, 2016

Odds and Ends

It's been an eventful several weeks, and I just haven't had the time and energy to update. So here I am now, making and Odds and Ends post.

Should Surya-Scott be a boy, he's had a name for months now. Hub really is attached to what I consider a joke name- it is a sound alike first name to our last name. It was his nickname during his time overseas and so I understand, but also.. if he (surya-scott) wants to go by this name, he can do so as a nickname from our last name and no one would thinks it's odd. BUT he named kins and knows I'm not going with the name he likes. He doesn't LOVE the name I have chosen, but sees the sentimentality of it and likes it enough. If Surya-Scott is a girl.. she is nameless. The most frustrating part is that hub and I have liked the same names throughout the pregnancy- just at different times. Yesterday I came around on a name he likes. It is meaningful, but wasn't my 'style'. I finally saw a little girl with this name in my family.. and I came home to tell him- and (I am NOT making this up) HE decided his vote was my previous number one name. It's funny- but really frustrating.

Hub's foot is not broken!!! At least, not anymore. There was a fracture, which healed, but created bone spurs which are cutting into a tendon. Ouch. For unknown reasons (which I think are related to our annual town 5K), the pain from this flares up which causes swelling, causing additional chafing of bone on tendon. This is not a good situation, but not one he needs a cast/boot, crutches or surgery for in the short term. To be continued post baby...

I mentioned in my micro post that baby flipped! This is going to be its own post since I am IN AWE of the voodoo I did to flip this kid. And a TOTAL believer in acupuncture, chiropractors and spinning babies. Short story- went to Acupuncture hours later I felt baby flip hours after that confirmation on ultrasound and was told "no way baby will flip, there isn't enough fluid". MAGIC.

I am wrapping up my office life. I had a lot of e-mails kicking around my in-box, papers on my desk and work in progress. I am trying to get all this done for my boss (we're a team of 2) by the 9th of September. I am still concerned they will want to induce me at 39 weeks- which is the 16th. If that is looking like the case, I will be taking the week of the 12th off. Otherwise, my last day will be the 16th in the hopes of a ~40 week natural labor. With kins, the holidays were a good reason to have my last in office day be the day I started week 38. 

I am super uncomfortable. Like really, really uncomfortable. I ended up at my midwife's office 2 weeks ago with terrible pubic pain. No sign of infection, I was closed and firm and the FFN test was negative (it can [redict preterm labor) so the assumption is SPD. It is occasionally excruciating and usually uncomfortable. I went when it was just a bum in my pelvis, now with a head there.. there are times I could cry. 

Overall though, my BP is low (but not too low!), baby is moving and was five and half pounds at my ultrasound at 34.5 weeks, Kins' room is coming along (his big boy bed is due in today - I'm so torn.), baby clothes are getting washed. I'm giant!!

Odds and ends, odds and ends
Lost time is not found again.
Bob Dylan, Odds and Ends

Monday, August 22, 2016

Bi-Monthly Update: 34 Weeks

How far along: 35 Weeks. I lied in the title. Life is crazy

Baby is the size of a: A small rosting chicken. Same shape too. haha

Total weight gain: Lost 3 pounds- at -3 since start of pregnancy- but +12 from lowest. 

Maternity clothes: Yes, I get told how little I look, but feel HUGE. 

Stretch marks: Nope!

Sleep: Not awesome, as usual

Best moment since last update: We had professional maternity pictures done (haven't gotten them back yet), and normally that would be my high point BUT I held this update for my ultrasound which was a few days ago and BABY TURNED!!!!! WOO-HOO
Also, I saw Billy Joel in concert and it was AMAZING. DREAM of mine. For real

Miss anything: Seeing my feet. Being comfortable, Sam Summer and now Pumpkinhead

Movement: Lots and lots. 

Food cravings: I really wanted a Chicken and avocado sandwich sandwich the other day- then only ate half 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still vomiting. Horrible heartburn. Honestly, I'm never hungry. 

Have you started to show yet: YES!

Labor Signs? Baby's head is in the correct position- which is like 3 inches from the outside world it feels like. No labor signs though. My midwife discussed 39 week induction with me. She may not officially suggest an induction then, (she was going to look into WHY IVF babies are induced at 39 weeks in my hospital system) and I may not accept it. But I HOPE baby is a bit early. I am way, way more uncomfortable than I was with kins at this point (I think)

Looking Forward to? BABY!!!! and Labor. And pumpkinhead and before all that Kid Rock and Jason Aldean next week :) 

Cheating at #MicrobloggingMonday

I am cheating at this today. I have A LOT to say- so I am making a micro post and a big 'un.

For micro: I read this article linked from facebook by a mother who lost her daughter at birth. Nadia, the baby, was very sick. Her parents discovered this VERY late in pregnancy- 37 weeks. They considered termination as well as a C-section and intervention but ultimately chose comfort care instead. Regardless, Nadia was stillborn. One of the paragraphs her mother wrote struck me as a universal for the babylost community:

...I look at her pictures, hand prints, the plaster cast of her feet. But what would she have been like?Or was sick all that she could have ever been? How could a gene or two erase everything else that she was, had the potential to be? Some parts of me, some parts of AndrĂ©, some history of all life ever, assembled into her, an almost perfect child. Almost.
People understand that to lose a baby before it has been born is to lose an object of hope; that a beautiful idea of what the future should have held was suddenly ripped away from us. But there has to be more to it. Was it just hope that grew as the pregnancy progressed, as she passed all the usual markers for concern, and was this what set us up for our big crash? Or was it her that grew, and became more human? I cannot imagine anything specific to her as a person however hard I try. And yet I long for her, so badly. But how do I even know that I long for her?
I remember in a long ago post I was circling this question myself. Who was Blue Sunday? Or more correctly- who would Blue Sunday have been? IF- if the chromosomes were typically arranged, or IF he could have survived even with T18. I wrote:

... May be I'm on the right track. And what happened to Blue Sunday was just a huge Charlie Foxtrot. I want to emphasize "what happened to Blue Sunday", I don't believe that Blue was the disease, I feel that she/he was separate from it. That this is something that happened to him/her and not all he/she was. I know that is a little point, but it is one that matters, and one that makes it so hard for me. The extra chromosome was added to a baby who would have been wonderful, special., naughty, cute and mine all on his or her own.  I'll never know what that little person was like because of this little extra piece. It's true I suppose- It's the little things.
Even so many years out, I still ask these questions.

I think about it a lot more now, now that I am weeks from delivering our second rainbow, I am very close to finally finding out the gender of Blue Sunday. I decided to find out when my family reached what we will call complete.

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Bi-Monthly Update: 32 Weeks

How far along: 32 Weeks 

Baby is the size of a: A half-gallon of milk! That's pretty big actually

Total weight gain: I've broken even with my pre-pregnancy weight. Net is 0, I've put back on 14 pounds that I had lost though. 

Maternity clothes: Yes, though I did find some soft, linen pre-pregnancy shorts that work.

Stretch marks: Nope!

Sleep: Not awesome, but there is lots of stress

Best moment since last update: Ugh this was a rough time. I guess I'l go with getting back to pre-pregnancy weight. I was a little worried I'd end net-negative. 

Miss anything: Not having heartburn.

Movement: Yes, a lot. Unfortunately breech to vertex back to breech. Now LOTS of kicking- to my cervix. Sigh

Food cravings: meh. Not a fan of food. Actually, I eat a lot of jelly beans. haha How silly

Anything making you queasy or sick: Still vomiting on the regular.So, yes. 

Have you started to show yet: YES!

31-ish weeks

Labor Signs? I have had some pain, but nothing that says "labor". No swelling and rings (and normal shoes) still on!

A Worried (Wo)Man with a Worried Mind #microbloggingMonday

Really, nothing has changed since my last posts. It's almost comical how little worrying does. 

Hub had his appointment on Friday, and they had him do an MRI that night. I looked at the CD of images they gave us. I am fairly certain I can point to where the fracture is, but of course, I got my radiology degree from Google U so what do I know? As of late Monday, we haven't heard back from the doc, though I didn't really expect them to call today. I'm hoping by Wednesday.

I had some significant pelvic pain on Sunday after going to the gym. The pain raidated into my thighs. It didn't feel like contractions, so I wasn't concerned really. My Google MD lead to me SPD. Hub was really worried so I called the midwife yesterday (after my morning meetings). I had to have a cervical check, AFP test, Urine test (UTI?) and then be on the NST. Nothing alarming. BUT baby is definitely breech. we could find his/her head firmly in my top right hand side. Yesterday I am SURE baby was head down (kicking in top of uterus, hiccups at the bottom, more classic belly shape and movement). I am NOT impressed. 

So all in all- no change for hub- still assuming his foot is broken. He is still not really taking care of himself. Baby still breech, not much to do there. ugh

A worried man with a worried mind
No one in front of me and nothing behind

Bob Dylan, Things Have Changed

Monday, August 1, 2016

Solitude Standing #microbloggingMonday

So not much change from my last post. Still worried, but still standing. So is hub, thankfully. Hub’s foot is feeling better- not normal- but better. We thought he had an appointment on (last) Friday, but it was actually this Friday- a week and a day after making the appointment. Unfortunately we got all the way to the appointment before being corrected. Mom’s leg probably needs surgery, baby is still breach as far as I know. Appointment is tomorrow, then every 2 weeks until September!

I can’t believe baby is due next month!!! In some ways this doesn’t feel real. Even now that I am round and tired and ready-ish. The house isn’t ready at all, and hub on light duty, but we’ll get there. I need a double stroller (purchase) and to take down the play-yard and co-sleeper. Also, I need to sort out the newborn and 0-3 month clothing into piles by gendered and gender neutral and things that can be re-worn. I probably need some new basics but overall we are a reuse family for this baby.

About 7 weeks to go! Hopefully will have a happy update on the foot saga on Friday. 

Solitude stands in the doorway
And I'm struck once again by her black silhouette
By her long cool stare and her silence
I suddenly remember each time we've met
Susanne Vega, Solitude Standing

Not sure what #MicroblogMondays is? Read the inaugural post which explains the idea and how you can participate too.

Thursday, July 28, 2016

All Worried Out- and crowding sourcing some help?

I'm a worrier.

Make that a Worrier.


I always have been. I am a champ in the worrying game. When I was young my mother would randomly knock on things mid-conversation mid- my ranting and yell "who is that... oh it's trouble?.. Someone was asking for you? ....It was Lizzy!!" Which is kind of funny in retrospect, but I hated it as a kid.

I like to game through all scenarios- the worst case tends to take up more mental energy. That only stands to reason, the worst case has the most ramifications, right? An example: here (remember while all these crazy thoughts were happening, Suyra-Scott was in the freezer!).

Currently I am a Stress Mess. I can keep a lot on my plate, but eventually even I tap out. This is mostly just venting, the last paragraph is me summarizing the situation and asking for help if anyone has also been in the situation of a potentially fractured metatarsal with no x ray evidence. Feel free to skip:


Work- Still no answer on my work. At least now if it's a negative outcome, I'm only risking 4 months income rather than the 7 I was looking at in the beginning. Another day, another dollar.... and another patient suffering, but that's a whole different worry ball.

Mom- My mom has crappy joints (as do I, Thanks Mom!). She recently had been experiencing knee and leg pain. On Sunday, something gave and she ended up in the ER. Suspected hamstring rupture. They are dragging their feet in a firm diagnosis, but finally an MRI was done and it is looking like answers soon.

Me- Baby is still breech (I think). I really hate when people whine about baby's sex and method of birth. If you and your kid are alive and healthy you won. But I am sad at the thought of a c-section. I had a wonderful birth with Kins and think about it fondly often. I'm sad at the prospect of losing that. Though if Surya-Scott ends up here and healthy, I'm not going to throw a pity party.

Hub- Ugh I hate having hub on my list. I feel like I did a lifetime of worry during the military years. Can’t I be exempt? This real worry is coming at a lousy time mentally for me, there was a tragedy within my social circle and a friend lost her husband. I've been anxious and panicky since (as well as obviously devastated for the loss and for our friend).

Basically, I'm a wreck in general and then hub starts limping a few weeks ago. This isn't unusual (Army years= plenty of minor, nagging injuries/issues) but became concerning as it 1. continued and 2. became really painful. Hub is a traditional stoic solider (in this way only: he's also way liberal and a feminist so..) seeing him limp, wince, take (gasp) pain pills and just generally baby his foot was unsettling for me. I told him to go to the doc- he refused. You know, normal married stuff. Then on Sunday his foot was swollen, there were times he couldn't put weight on it. On Monday we had a conversation about our work weeks (as we also do, we're work-a-holics). He mentioned a new client and needing to tour their site and commented he really didn't want to have to walk around long enough to do it. This worried me and I told him to call the doc.. and he did. Which worried me even more. Apparently the doc was worried, since he was seen less than 24 hours later. 

At the appointment, the doc initially was thinking sprain but when he pressed along the top of the foot found significant point tenderness. The doc did a few more manual maneuvers and said he believed it is a fracture of the 5th metatarsal. He was concerned that this has been an issue that has come and gone over that last 8 or 9 years. He said likely it is a stress fracture, which will need surgery. Other options may be a non-weight bearing cast or boot. On his driving foot. UGH. He went for x-rays and...

They were negative. Huh. The nurse who called with the results was apparently like "yay! no fracture. Bye!" and hub was like “wait.. what's wrong with me?” Then she asked if he wants PT. His response was, “I don't know, will it help?” The nurse went to talk to the doc and he was going to call.. but no word ever came. Business day ends. So I google scholar and apparently it is very common to have these types of fractures NOT show up on x-ray when they are new and only show when they start to heal. Most of what I have read says he really needs to be non-weight bearing for 6-8 weeks to have a chance at natural reunion of the bones otherwise surgery. There are a range of stories though, and I can’t find anything about what to do in the time before the fracture becomes apparent on x ray. I am continuing to freak out. 

Last night, hub and I had a talk about what to do. I’m a planner and he’s much more worried about it than he usually lets on. This allowed much better conversation than we usually have when I’m worrying about things. Overall, we’re both very concerned about the idea of delaying treatment until the stress fracture is visible (if this is the issue) and making the situation worse in the meantime. This could easily lead to having him being in a non-weight bearing cast while I am recovering from a C-section or getting surgery right before or after baby is born (again I focus on the worst…). It very well could be “nothing”, a little injury that needs RICE and a bit of care. We decided on the following course of action: Call doc, ask what he should be doing/ not doing on the foot. I think it was assumed that he needed surgery so didn’t give suggestions for care. Also, call the PT place he was referred to and see what their opinion is (may be they have additional information?). Take it easy. This is the big one. He is a very proud guy, I know he won’t use non-prescribed crutches at class or work. I doubt unless he was missing a leg, or his leg was casted in a way that made walking without them actually impossible he’d use crutches in front of people at all. But he will work from home most of the day and promised to use them in the house. Next week, he’s going to work from home 100%. We’re going to at least ace wrap the foot, if not prescribed something more restrictive. Stay off it whenever possible, to include not driving and using the crutches. It wasn’t too hard of a sell. There are things that make him visibly wince- stairs, pivoting, getting up from sitting and occasionally just an average step. I think his pride is getting in the way of using the crutches, but me suggesting, insisting, demanding he use them swayed him .  

So, this morning hub makes the calls to the Doc- not in the office. He went over to the PT place to discuss with them. They were very confused that he was sent to them, since they had no treatment plan either from hub (obvi) or from the doc’s office. Basically they were like “we’d love to help… when we know what we’re helping!”. So called the doc again and get the nurse from yesterday. She was confused that hub felt unsupported since she was under the impression he was going to PT. He explained he felt he had no guidance on care, activity level or even a diagnosis. The nurse was like “Doc didn’t say anything about orthotics or restrictions, but PT for chronic foot pain.” Only, the pain isn’t really chronic. Yes, it’s happened before, but it completely goes away and this is past the level than it has been in the past. So he is like, I really think I need to see someone and figure this out since I called the PT and they said they need more info AND I’m in pain and would like a diagnosis. So she says they will send him to a podiatrist they have.. but he’s only in on Tuesdays and out next week, so it will be August 9th. Byeeeeeee

Ummm what? They are having him walk around- no boot, ace bandage, crutches or restrictions at ALL for two full weeks after initial complaint? And again, there is plenty of information online that a fracture wouldn’t necessarily show on an x ray this soon after injury. The doc went so far at hub’s first appointment to tell him that surgery could be scheduled once x-rays were in and they usually get people in within a week. That leads me to believe there is a really good chance (swelling, point tenderness, history of similar pain in same place after high risk activity) that this is broken. And broken in a place that mandates surgery or complete immobilization toes to mid-calf in a non-weight bearing plaster cast for 6-8 weeks. But you’re just going to have him limp around? For 2 weeks?

Anyone with a history of this injury? Called a shaft fracture or march injury to the 5th metatarsal. Stories? Thoughts? Help?