Thursday, August 21, 2014

I Can Feel It Coming In the Air Tonight

Hold On....

This is an all-good-news-post, though I am feeling a little out-of-sorts. That can be its own post.

That job that I mentionedSo I got it! It is a good step for me. I'll be back in a management position, though managing vendors, not direct reports. 3 years ago I took a step down position in title (I had been managing up to 7 people previously and went on to manage none) to take on a role that would provide much more varied knowledge within my field. I was very pigeon-holed in my old job, and in my current one I was in a small company and did A LOT. Now, I'm going back to managing. The best part is, it is with my old boss, who I loved. The job is a little closer to home and I can work from home two days a week. That should be great for me AND for Kins.

Hub and I made the official call to start TTCing again! My new job starts the Tuesday after Labor day and I feel confident that it is a good fit. With that in mind, I think I'll be there for the next several years so I won't feel so skeevy taking a maternity leave not-so-long-(hopefully) into the new job. I am reasonably sure we decided too late this month to get pregnant, but we did "try" once. I'm not even counting this as a cycle we attempted. My next cycle is supposed to start September 1st- our anniversary- then we'll see!

With that in mind, one of my very best friends got engaged! This is an addition to another close friend who got engaged last month. I now have weddings in August or October (depending on location) 2015 and February 2016. This means I have to TTC with consideration. I am not willing to miss the weddings- though I should hope the 2016 one won't be a problem.. but stranger things have happened. The first wedding is one I think I will be IN. So there is that to think about.

A friend of mine I know from Military life  messaged me out of the blue a few days ago to let me know she and he husband are expecting at long last! (I am reasonably sure she reads this.. so Hi! and CONGRATS). I couldn't be happier for them and actually cried when I read the news. Her facebook announcement was super cute and accompanied with James Taylor's "How Sweet it is (to be Loved by You)". She wanted to give me the heads up, know that James Taylor is associated with Blue Sunday for me. I was really, really touched that she was so considerate... especially in light of what one of my best friends on the planet did and said recently.. but that's for another post. 

Exciting, good, scary stuff ahead! Hold On!

I Can Feel It Coming In the Air Tonight
Hold On.. Hold On
Phil Collins, In the Air Tonight

Thursday, August 7, 2014

It's Right on Time

Seriously, what are the odds?

Way back before Blue Sunday, my cycle was always 28 days exactly. No spotting, no cramps, no real PMS to speak of. After Blue Sunday, it was 15 cycles of randomness. 24 days, 32 days, 5 days of spotting, check, check, check.

Now, after a baby and while still breastfeeding I am exactly on time. 28 days after my first cycle, cycle 2 showed up. No spotting, no crazy symptoms.

Dare I say out-loud that may be, just may be, I won't have 15 cycles of hell this TTC round?

In slightly related news, the interview went well on Tuesday. I have a second round this coming Tuesday. Per my old (soon to be new-again?) boss all feedback was positive. YAY! May be I will hear before next week and TTC will start THIS MONTH?! Is that terrible form? Probably, right? Showing up minutes pregnant starting a new job?

Just for the record, my last cycle started 8/23 with Blue Sunday and my EDD was 5/31. These dates would be rather close- 8/3 with an EDD of 5/11. I know this upsets a lot of people, but where Bub is 4 days after my tx date, it would be nice to have some link to Blue Sunday with Bub's Little too.

Look at me all hopeful and smug.
And there it is, the Crazy is back.

It's right on time
It's right on time
It's right on time
Red Hot Chili Peppers, It's Right on Time

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Memories of You

I am sick.

My annual summer cold has chosen this week, the week I have a HUGE deadline and an interview at a company I REALLY want to work for, to rear its ugly head.

Hub took Bub to church and brunch with our friends (JAM) but I couldn't fall back asleep so I am here on the couch watching Scandal, drinking tea and blogging. Not a bad morning, but man does my head hurt.

Before the blogging, I started playing a game on my phone called Drop 7. I played it often a few years back, when I was pregnant with Blue Sunday. That flight over the country when I realized I was pregnant Hub and I both played on our phones- trying to beat each others high score with me the whole time thinking of our little baby-to-(never)-be.

I could remember the feeling exactly. I don't know if it was because it was my first baby, or because the loss was so great, but I never feel that way thinking of bub's realization moment. May be it's just that there are so many more wonderful moments with him that come and go every day.

Should I get this job I'm interviewing for on Tuesday (eeek), I think hub and I will begin trying again. September was the month Blue Sunday was conceived- our anniversary month. I'm not sure how I feel about that.. though odds of me conceiving the first cycle are laughably low.

We have talked over a TTC plan- new job being secure is a prerequisite- we'll start once I'm in a new position (hopefully September) and try until November- then try a clomid cycle in December. I don't want another mid-winter birth if I can avoid it.

This time TTC is very different. This is the baby that wouldn't have been if Blue Sunday hadn't been lost. It makes it a strange feeling. I'm not ready to articulate it quite yet, but it is an odd feeling to try for a baby I would have been actively preventing had things been different.

Everywhere- there are Pieces of Blue Sunday.

Here and there, everywhere
Scenes that we once knew
And they all just recall
Memories of you

Frank Sinatra, Memories of You