Wednesday, July 23, 2014

6 Months of The Littlest


Bub is now SIX (!!) months old. Where has time gone? He's almost 28 weeks. I can't believe he's been in my life so long, and then, how short a time it really has been.

Kins at 6 months

Cutest kid ever, right? (your own excluded :) )
For reference, Liam at 2 weeks!

What we call him/ Growth update- I have been calling him "The Littlest" and "Small Son" most recently. He is still just a little man in terms of weight. He weighed 16.5lbs at his 6 month appointment, gaining 2 pounds and 2 inches since his 4 month. This puts him right about the 25th percentile. At the 4 month appointment they were concerned about his head circumference and length by proxy. He has always been long and lean, (about the 75% for length) but he was slightly off his curve. Length and head circumference are closely linked, I wouldn't worry about length (we're short) but head made me scared. Pedi said they weren't concerned and on track weight and off-track length usually means the baby is in a growth spurt and they just saw them right before he grew. Turns out the pedi was right! Phew. Kins is back on his curve :)

Joys- Kins he is just The Best. He remains a happy, smiley little babe. He still loves the bath and the pool is growing on him. He really hates being cold, and the water in the pool is still chilly.
Mama, I don't know about this

He loves bananas and sweet potatoes and even rice cereal. He HATES peas and carrots. He will tolerate carrots and green beans. So far we have made all of our own baby food, we'll see how long it lasts. 

He is starting to get ready to crawl, he brings he knees up under him and rock back and forth. To move forward, he flings himself forward as he rocks. It is so funny. 

The best part? He started (mostly) sleeping through the night! He sometimes gets up around 3 hours after he goes to bed and usually goes back down with a snuggle. He's usually up about 5:30 to eat, get kisses and a diaper change. Just recently he's started to go back to bed after :)

Challenges- None? He really is wonderful. I guess one challenge is I miss him like crazy when I'm at work. For something real (ish) please see above where I talk about how he hates veggies.

Developments-Baby boy is on the move! He can roll to where he wants to go, he is about to crawl (see above). He can sit up for long periods of time, provided I sit him up. He makes "mamama" and "babba" baby sounds. I know they are not associated with anything, but it makes me happy anyway.

General- Though I was adamant he wouldn't watch TV, we do occasionally put it on for background noise. He perks right up (and stops fussing!) for music and kid voices, so sometimes we watch Dinosaur Train together. It's a pretty great show.

So spoiler... we got Kins baptized. This will be its own post

Please excuse the HORRIBLE kitchen.

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Come on Ride the Train

Come on Ride the Train, the crazy train that is.

My period came back.

I was- am- psyched. I really want to be back to myself and part of myself is having a cycle. Also, it's great to know I didn't have to 100% wean to start again. But.. there is always a but with me...

This puts me back into the TTC cyclone.

I'm not really ready to start TTC again: I have another 5-10 pounds I'd like to lose, I think 15 months apart is a little close for my liking between kins and his little,  I'd really like to have a summer baby. Not to mention I am currently in a job search (yay!) and I'd really hate to be out on maternity leave after less than a year on the job (and technically they don't have to hold my job OR pay me if that is the case).

Here I am, planning like I'll conceive on the first try. This thinking caused SO much pain over the past 3 years. You have to think this way though, right? When you aren't exactly sure you're ready to be pregnant, you have to really contemplate it actually happening on the first try and see the ramifications. I don't think it will cause any real problems, just minor annoyances that will be VASTLY overshadowed by the joy of pregnancy.

So here we are Not Trying, Not Preventing (NTNP). 15 months after my last cycle, which was 15 months after letting Blue Sunday fly. The numeric coincidences I've found on this journey are staggering sometimes. It is amazing how much faster these last 15 months went by as compared to the 15 that came before. Even the terror of pregnancy, peaking here, was so much easier than the first dark months after loss and the last few months where hopelessness sunk in.

With my wonderful little guy, I feel like even another 15 months of BFNs will be more bearable.

Secretly, I am hoping the absolute relief I feel having become a mom relaxes my mind and body enough to have an unmediated conception (not to mention the 10 pounds I've lost (and 5 more are off my body and just in my boobs!). There is so much less pressure, though that could be pressure unto itself in my warped mind.

Here I am CD10. Remember those coincidences I mentioned above? There is one more.

11 days ago, CD-1, I saw this:

On CD -1 15 months ago, there was this:

Come on, ride the train
Woo woo, hey, ride it, woo woo
Come on, ride the train
It's the Choo Choo, ride it, woo woo

Quad City DJs- C'mon Ride the Train

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Praise You

Last week's This American Life is killing me a little. It was a show called “Is That What I Look Like” and the last story is with Molly Ringwald and her daughter, Matilda, as they watch The Breakfast Club together. In one section Matilda identifies with the character whose parents push him to do well in school. This surprises Molly who gets emotional (they both do). Eventually it comes out that Matilda resists homework and when she does Molly tells her daughter that she could do better and that Molly wishes she did better in school herself.  

In terms of parental pressure, this is nothing compared to what I’ve had. Yes, her daughter is 10, but when I was 10 I knew that my parents didn’t get to go as far in school as they would have liked due to financial issues. My dad left school after grade 6. Grade 6. I am about to get my Master’s. I knew then and now that I was given a gifted mind and the lifestyle to achieve the education I desired. There was pressure, internally and externally to do well. Very well. My parents didn't push it, but I was aware. I feel this made me the person I am today. Hub’s mom was tough on him. She forced him to spend summers learning flashcards, not letting him up until he could go through the pack flawlessly. He rebelled, as you can imagine. I was hoping to walk a fine line with Kins: encourage but not force,  push just hard enough, inspire natural curiosity without everything being about education (though really, it all IS about education).

Hearing this story though, such a little thing has caused this little girl to feel pressured. Matilda mentions that Molly doesn’t do it anymore, and Molly confesses that it’s because she no longer does homework with Matilda. Parenting is so hard.

Then at the end, another exchange to mull over. Molly's brother died, before Molly was born. Her mother was devastated and was potentially suicidal, thought never "tried anything". He was her first child. Her mom believes that she conversed with a spirit and she was told she was alive for another purpose. When Molly was born, she knew it was for Molly.

This was a story that Molly heard all of her life. As she relates the story, Ira Glass, the host, says "That's a lot to put on you" and Molly sighs emphatically "Yeah, it's heavy- really heavy".

She was the reason her mother had to stay alive.
She was the joy in her mother's life.

She was the rainbow baby.

Is this in and of itself a burden to Kins?

Ira Says: "You know, you just can never know what things that you say to your kids are going to stay with them. You know, just little things said in a passing moment, that are going to bounce around in their heads and lead them to conclusions that you don't intend or expect in anyway."

We've come a long long way together,
Through the hard times and the good,
I have to celebrate you baby,
I have to praise you like I should

Fatboy Slim, Praise You