Wednesday, January 29, 2014

Update on Me- 3 Weeks

Thank you all for your kind words on my last post. Hub and I are totally and completely in awe that we are parents. That we are parents to the most beautiful and perfect baby boy is just the icing on the cake.

Much to hub and my surprise, I have been feeling great. I expected some baby blues but have felt quite the opposite the majority of the time. I am just overwhelmed by joy. The only times I don't feel really, really happy is when I am truly exhausted. It seems Little Boy sleeps well every other night. Tuesday night we got a 4 hour stretch and two 3 hour ones (!). We were only up for about 2 hours total through out the night for feeds and changes. It was great. I feel so refreshed. But on Monday night he slept for may be 3 hours total in his co-sleeper and another few hours on top of me. Once or twice I drifted off while he was up there- but that terrifies me. I would love, love to sleep with him on me every nap and every night, but I am just too afraid of crushing him. After Blue Sunday, I just can't run any additional risk, no matter how small. 

Morning bed time on top of me. 1.29.14
Even my anxiety has been less than I expected- though still a nagging problem. Sometimes I wake up a think he has passed in his sleep. I have woken him up more than once grabbing for his hands to see if he is alive. Hub has done the same thing a time or two. We're still very much on edge. Little Boy feels like such a gift that we are undeserving of; we're waiting for him to be taken away. I've worried incessantly about him getting sick- both hub and I had/have a pretty bad cold- mine has progressed into a sinus infection. When Little Boy went in for his 2 week appointment the doctor assured me that he very well might NOT get sick- since I am breastfeeding he is getting my antibodies. But I still have been worrying constantly about every little breathing change, sneeze and cry. This morning it seems like he most surely has a cold, but no fever. Doc told us to wait it out. 

I only gained 18 pounds- 24 from my lowest weight. I have lost all 24 pounds- and a few extra ounces to boot. I fit in my pre-pregnancy pants! Truth be told, I have another 20 pounds to lose gained when I was mourning Blue Sunday. I have some modest goals- to lose a pound a week before I go back to work... So about 10 more pounds then be back to my pre Blue Sunday weight by Liam's first birthday. That an additional 20 pounds. Of course I was just over 28 then and will be 31.5 by January, so I'll be happy to get off another 10.


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