Friday, March 2, 2012

I've got friends in low places

I've Got Friends in Low Places.. and it is a Wonderful Thing

I have a friend from an internet site unrelated to my loss. As the spouse of a National Guard solider, I sometimes have to break my adamant refusal to ever define myself by someone else.  It is difficult to navigate the culture of the military without eventually joining a mil spouse group. When hub first joined and was on his way to basic my days were dark (comparatively easy given what was coming but I didn't know better at the time). I found a wonderful chat site full of knowledgeable, caring and supportive women. We had our moments, but were like a family. It is on that site that I met my friend- Mrs. Wonderful (no sarcasm).

Mrs. Wonderful had the WORST pregnancy I had ever heard of, her hub was far away and out of contact, intractable nausea/vomiting, heavy bleeding for weeks. Finally, things started going well for her, she told people in real life that she was expecting-- then her water broke. Her and her precious baby held on for 7 days, but on the day she reached 20 weeks her baby passed.

At the time, I was 8 weeks or so less pregnant than she was. I cried for her and said a little prayer that I wouldn't follow in her pPROM footsteps. I counted up the ways our pregnancies were dissimilar. When I got my devastating diagnosis I told my chat board ladies. They surrounded me with love. A gift card to a spa, a (living) plant, notes on-line of all kinds. Mrs. Wonderful in particular was there for me. Sending me messages of hope and love. Sharing her story of post-loss life. We've been FB messaging almost daily.

She asked me for my address and I gave it to her. The other day I received a  note too kind to attempt to summarize and a locket with a bird flying over trees etched into the front of it. Blue Sunday has always been a bird to me- needing to fly away from the pain of life, from the tree-top nursery I was planning, away from me. Her note reminded me that our babies are looking over us somewhere, wishing us well- wishing us to go on pain-free as they are able to.

I have always been one to seek out people in similar situations- My military chat board, the pregnancy boards and now loss boards. I under-estimated having a real life connection. I have never met Mrs. Wonderful, though I would love to if the opportunity arises (we live very far apart). But I truly feel I have a friend in a low place. I would never wish anyone down there, but it is a comfort.

I've got friends in low places
where the whiskey drowns and the beer chases 
my blues away and I'll be OK
Garth Brooks, Friends in Low Places


  1. My place is low. I'll be your friend :)

  2. Thanks for reading and posting! I've been poking around your blog. I am sorry for your loss. This situation really suck, but at least we have each other.