Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Every Now and Then I Fall Apart


I know I've been a bad, bad blogger lately. I am Busy. Yes, with a capital B. I am in the midst of a two-week summer blitz of a class. So I'm working all day and then going to 3.5 hours of class starting at 6. Eating dinner in the car, not seeing my pets' faces at all. Hub was away for 2+ weeks and has been home for the last 4 days- we had an awesome day on Sunday at Ogunquit Beach, Maine, but otherwise I hardly see him. I am rather sure I wouldn't have seen him at all, but his vehicle is broken (forever?) and he is chauffeuring me around, to work, from work to class, to class and home.  Ironically, the class is on Stress. I know, right?
The class is actually about Stress as a Public Health Problem, but we talk about stress reduction methods that can be used by anyone. One of them, is one I should employ:
Step 1: Identify the Upsetting Situation Having hub tell me how "Hot and pretty" I am
Step 2: Identify Feelings I feel sad and babylost
Step 3: Identify Thoughts I know he is lying. I am a whale. I should have an excuse for this weight (a baby) but I don't. Thanks for reminding me.
Step 4: Challenge your Thoughts I guess we can deal with this later 
Step 5: Making a Decision/Action Plan Ditto

Perhaps this could even put an end to my once fun and now upsetting game of "They can have kids and I can't". Perhaps.

OPG= Shit List

In a meeting she revealed she is having a boy.
She is upset about it.
Hey! This will make you feel better, OPG: "Would you rather a dead girl or an alive boy?"
Bet you chose alive boy.

I didn't really say this, I did cry, but I don't think anyone noticed. Who looks at the Babylost lady when there is a pregnant beacon in the room?

I think I have finally put a finger on my growing despondency. I feel fat and gross, this reminds me that I've been pregnant and then depressed. That reminds me that I feel like shit so I eat shit. The vice versa of the old axiom- you eat what you are!

Turn around, every now and then
I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turn around, every now and then
I get a  little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turn around, bright eyes
Every now and then I fall apart
Bonnie Tyler, Total Eclipse of the Heart

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