So I've been quite. I am really, deeply in denial.
I can't believe that I'm almost into my third trimester.
I can't believe I have 12 weeks left of work before leave.
I can't believe I have less than 100 days to go in this pregnancy.
still can't believe what happened to Blue Sunday. I acknowledge that
things happened, but I can't get to the place where I can believe that
it all happened to me. Is that how this pregnancy/ baby thing is going
to be? Will I ever accept that I am having/ have had (hopefully!) a
I know that Mrs. Wonderful said she is still
taken aback by what happened to her daughter and that she now has a son.
He'll be turning one right around when Take Two is due. This isn't a
new thing for her anymore.
I am still consumed
with what-ifs. I am still terrified that baby will be born and something
will be horribly wrong. It happens all the time. We (BLMs) aren't excluded from this. I know a TFMR mom whose rainbow baby died after birth, an issue diagnosed in utero. I know another whose baby was just born ill after a 'perfect' pregnancy.
It is a lie that a pregnancy after a loss fixes nothing. It made my loss easier to bear. However, it didn't fix everything. We shouldn't overlook that either.