Wednesday, March 5, 2014


Some days I miss Blue Sunday so much. Yesterday kins was just inconsolable- he gets like that sometimes. We just sit in the rocking chair that my grandma bought for my mom when I was born and sing. I sing anything that comes to mind- from rock-a-bye-baby to Going the Distance by Cake. I just need to know the opening line- I hate singing songs from the middle. One of the songs we sing is "Sweet Baby James"- Blue Sunday's song. I sang it endlessly when I was pregnant and after the loss it was what I put on to remember (as if I could forget). Kins' song is "Whenever I See Your Smiling Face" (with the change from "man like me" to "mom like me"). He prefers Sweet Baby James though (also Kodachrome- this baby has some excellent taste in music). I can't sing it to him without a twinge of sadness- I wonder what kind of baby Blue Sunday would have been- fussy like Kins? A good sleeper? Would he or she have looked like me? Kins is his daddy's clone- which is adorable- but I feel a little left out. 

Speaking of Kins. He is 8 weeks old. My little baby is slipping through my hands. I already miss him being small. He's gone from his take home weight of 6 pounds 10 ounces to over 10. Some of his newborn clothes still fit but others don't. Look at the change in his take home outfit!

To this!

Neither picture is very flattering haha. In the first I was a mom for 3 days, packing up to finally go home in torrential rains and had no idea that all that hand chewing was hungry baby :(. In the second- well I wanted him crying that he was going up so fast. With this little guy we're never more than 30 minutes from a crying fit. Just needed the camera ready when it happened. 

And here we are now... Rocking away. 

No shower in days. 
That handle behind Kins' head is the vacuum I haven't used in so long I won't put it in writing (but at least I brought it in from the porch.. There is hope!) 
My eyebrows are a disaster.
I just saw a CHRISTMAS decoration still up.

You know what? I'm happy. I don't care about all the other stuff. Because I have this wonderful baby. He could cry for the next 6 months and it won't be a fraction of the horror that these months 2 years ago were. 

Yes, I miss Blue Sunday, but my loss made this boy so much sweeter. 


  1. Liam is adorable...even when he is crying! I'm so glad that after all the heartache from losing Blue Sunday, Liam has allowed you to feel joy again. You look so happy in the photo. hugs!

  2. Oh my goodness! It's crazy how fast they grow up! He's so sweet and adorable, even when crying. :-)

  3. A cheek dimple and a chin dimple? Too cute!!

  4. Hi, I'm new to your blog (found you through Stirrup Queen's ALI blogroll). I just wanted to say congratulations on your beautiful son and I'm so sorry for the loss of your much-loved first baby. I am currently going through a loss of my first baby as well - we will be TFMR in a couple days at 19w6d - and I was looking for blogs like yours to find some perspective. Thank you for posting about your loss. It helps to know I am not alone. Wishing you the best of luck with your beautiful family.