Tuesday, November 17, 2015


I had a very emotional commute this morning. In addition to traffic so bad it could bring tears to your eyes, I listened to Beat Infertility and The Story Collider. I usually find Beat Infertility very good and hopeful but today it just sent me into a cry. It’s just too close to the epic failure that was IVF #3. The woman featured as a success story had 4 embryos at the time of her transfer of only 5 mature eggs retrieved. She went on to transfer 2 and had twins. It isn’t that I am unhappy with her success, it just rubs in my failure today.

After that, iTunes began to auto-play the next new episode in my queue. It was the newest episode of The Story Collider. For those of you who don’t know it, it’s a really good podcast featuring personal stories about science and medicine. This particular story was from a woman who had a normal MaterniT 21 screening and then found out at 18 weeks that it was likely that her child had lethal skeletal dysplasia. The diagnosis was confirmed and she went on to end the pregnancy. Hearing the emotion in her voice and the tragedy of her story brought it all back for me. She says that when she told her husband that she couldn't go through with the pregnancy he replied that of course they couldn't and that it would be cruel.  My hub and I had the same conversation all that time ago.

I am really not doing well after this latest failure. Everything is setting me off. The obvious, That Story Collider, Paris, the failure itself: the not o obvious, Beat Infertility, kin's (relative) lack of language. 


  1. I'm sorry. Thinking of you and sending hugs.

  2. I am just so sorry. I live these triggers too and I hate that the world is a minefield for you. I think my morning commute is when I am always most prone to crying.

  3. So sorry to hear about this. Don't give up. Hope for the best! Our prayers are with you.
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