Here we are again- the kid-centric holidays.
They are, for me, a LOT less difficult now that I have a child of my own here in the world with me. Hub and I marveled about re-finding joy in Halloween and we have already begun Christmas shopping for kins. (And I really don't like the 2 month lead-in to Christmas).
There is always a tug of loss, however. Families with multiple kids, kids who are 3.5, as Blue Sunday would be now- They give my heart a cramp.
People who are clearly and blissfully unaware of loss are everywhere talking about kids. You can always tell people who have never had a child tragedy: They ask "Is he your first?" at the company party. Not just implying that there may be a second, but not careful of the language that makes the question hard to answer for those who have lost. My company is led by someone who lost a child. He asked: "do you have any others at home"? when meeting kins. Subtle, but the babylost understand.
This year, in honor of my Blue Sunday and 3 lost babies of friends of mine- I am adopting a wish list of local children involved with our states Department of Children and Families. I was hoping to find infant twins, a boy between 6 and 12 months and of course a 3 year old.
Would you believe there they were? 4 needy kids who will receive gifts because of 4 others gone too soon. It is easy to let this become a why MY baby moment (or my friends' babies). These kids are often abandoned, many are waiting adoption or foster care. Some have been forcibly removed from their families. I choose instead to focus on the joy and small comfort a child will receive when ours cannot.
The days I feel most like a mom to my Blue Sunday is the days I choose, shop for and drop off something to the child I gift to by proxy.
A car seat, bath towels and toys, 9-12 month clothes, a play tool set.
A memory, a moment. Love.