Saturday, October 13, 2012

On grief and the Queen of England

I have a dirty little secret: (bear with me, this relates) [NOTE: I read this doing my full blog re-read... haha apparently I have quite a few "dirty little secrets]

I love The Savage Lovecast and its host Dan Savage. I’m not a hugely into unconventional sex, so I don't think I'm Dan's usual audience (I am also not gay, the remainder of his usual audience) however, I like that he is so open, funny and opens my mind to what is "normal" when it comes to sex, love and dating. His  rant at the beginning of every episode is a highlight of my work week.

Usually people call in with relationship and sex problems, but this week one of the calls was from a grieving woman. The call comes at just over 39 minutes. The gist of it is the  woman had gotten engaged 2 weeks prior to her call, and her fiancee had died a week after their engagement. The poor woman is distraught. Dan quoted Queen Elizabeth II and something she said in the wake of 9/11: "Grief is the price we pay for love".

It made me feel validated- that I really do love my Blue Sunday. I am still grieving, not with constant crying, but a dull ache of loss, of what could have been. It also helps me make sense on why everyone around me doesn't get my grief. No one really loved Blue Sunday the way I did. It isn't because they don't care, or wouldn't have loved him, but because they never got the chance to. In that sense, I am happy that I am grieving, so the world around me can see that I really do love my baby. That, though I had to let him go, it wasn't out of selfishness, distaste or the inability to care for a special needs baby- it was purely out of love.

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