Thursday, February 21, 2013

Bad parents make me INSANE

Disclaimer: Bad parenting here isn't letting your children watch TV, eat candy or BFing/ Not BFing/Using Day Care/ Not using daycare or other silly crap. Bad parenting is real, true dangerous, selfish parents/ parenting.

I know that I am hyper-aware of the asshats that have kids, since I don't have any of my own and want one desperately BUT I have been noticing so many stories of bad parents . People who unintentionally put their kids in danger, and not to mention those who INTENTIONALLY do so. Some days, I can't stop thinking about it.

I saw a man, biking on a busy street, no usable bike lane (snow and parked cars). By "busy" I mean 2 driving lanes in each direction with a train running up the middle. It was raining and cold on a rush hour morning. More than a few people were putting on make up, eating breakfast and drinking coffee while driving- as there always are. This biking dad had his two babies being pulled along behind him in a yellow cart. The cart was perhaps a foot off the ground the whole contraption wasn't as high as the seat of the bike. The side flap was partially unzipped (or ripped) and one baby's head was lolling out of it. Tiny arms of the older baby were pushing through reaching for passing people and cars. We were reminded at this very intersection just how easy it is for an accident to happen. A biker not toting kids was hit by a tractor trailer recently. He died instantly. No charges were filed, it was a tragic accident. Nothing more.

Is this intentionally dangerous? May be. I sure as hell can't imagine doing it. Take the kids around in the park, fine. Take them through the community, fine. But downtown Boston at 8am? On a college campus/ train stop/ major medical campus/ on-ramp to 3 major highways? No. Way. In. Hell. Especially if the cart is broken, the bike lane isn't functioning and the weather is bad. Are the kids likely to get hit? No, but a fetus isn't likely to have T18, anencephaly, Limb-Body Wall Complex or a whole host of other things I "know" women who lost children from.

If you have a healthy child be careful with it, they don't always stay that way.

I read stories on Yahoo news like this one: "Mom gets 99 years in prison for gluing tot's hands" And I think 1) F'ing B, just be lucky and thankful you have a kid, don't be mean to him! I assume this gluing was done for a crazy laugh while drinking and then 2) Wait 99 years for using some Elmer's to stick your kids hands together as a joke? I must be imagining this story wrong. So I click the link. Mistake. First, I hate sensationalism in news. I know it is Yahoo and therefore "News" but still. She got 99 years for BEATING her kid into a coma and also glued the kid's hands to a wall. Was gluing the kid wrong? Yes. Was it the focal point of the story? No. And it goes without saying... but I'll say it anyway:

How do people like THIS get to have kids when I don't? I would NEVER beat anyone. I MIGHT glue someone's hands to a beer can something , but it would be a fellow drunk adult, a joke, and with consent. Not that that very scenario once happened at a college party....

I was watching Dr. Phil today (I'm home sick, alright?! Don't judge) and there was a story on a man who is rasing his 3 sons alone. His ex-wife lives 1000s of miles away- and hates the ways he's raising the kids but won't come back: she moved to be with her boyfriend. The dad is far from perfect but he's at least attempting (poorly) to raise them. How can someone just leave her children? 

I felt sad and heartbroken, for these kids and for the people who would give anything to have kids to raise and would treat them like the gift they are. To make myself feel better, I came online and went to the blogs. 

I read about the wonderful people who will do anything to have children, who literally go to the other side of the world, who inject their bodies with hormones, who diet, who scrimp and save, all to make their dreams of parenthood come true. 
I read about parents who will do anything to keep and/or to ease the pain of the children they have; people who had their worlds shattered by medical complications- cancer, metabolic disease, chromosomal disorders, birth defects
I read about the people who view their kids as wonderful people, to be loved and celebrated.

I remembered that most people who have kids love them. 
I remembered that for every spectacularly bad parent there are more than equal numbers of spectacularly good ones. 
I remembered that for almost every infant adoption story there are 2 wonderful sets of people- one who places a child to improve the child's life and one who loves and accepts a child despite they are not genetically related. 
I remembered that there are people who accept older children into their homes who need adoptive families- these people take on truly a difficult situation, they give up on "having a baby" they go into an adoption knowing there are trauma issues.
I remembered that there are people with poor prenatal diagnoses, those who CTT and those who TFMR, who make their choice not because of selfishness, not because of dogmatic fear with only pure love for their children.

These parents need to be held up and cheered.
These parents need to be emulated and celebrated.

I am trying to look past the bad parents to all the good ones.

I am trying to remember that I am a good parent.

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