Saturday, November 3, 2012

Light at The End of The Tunnel

I am starting to feel something that is just a bit like Hope.

I has an appointment with my Ob/GYN for my yearly. It was about a year from my first prenatal appointment with Blue Sunday. It was cycle day 3. I was terrified I would have to cancel as I had booked it over a month ago and taken a work-from-home day for it. Turns out I wasn't heavy so I was still able to go in. After the usual yearly appointment tests and questions we got into the 10 cycles of fruitless trying.

We agreed that the holidays are a bad time to add stressful testing and procedures and that it would be better, at this point, that insurance pay for them. So we're going to hold off until after New Year's day and then start with Tests for Him and a few for me. I had most of my early stage fertility work ups few months ago and things looked good. I'll need later-in-the-cycle blood tests once we get going.  Of course, we're all hoping that I'll get pregnant in the next 3 cycles (since January 1st will fall mid-cycle number 13). Regardless of those 3 changes, I'm gearing up for the middle of January.

I started on herbs from the acupuncturist. They taste awful and smell even worse, but I am willing to do whatever it takes. I have been seriously working on weight loss, though not getting very far I plan on continuing with that. Acupuncture continues, and is relaxing. I was upset when he shared with me that there will be a break in my treatment for a week- his wife is due with their first baby any day. He was just so excited and happy with the news... As he should be..... But it felt like salt in a very few wound.

In other Light at the End of the Tunnel news, I am set to graduate in May!!! I am very excited to be nearly done with studying (and paying!) for school.... But I had a vision in my head of holding a child in my arms at that graduation. When I first started school, it was just am imaginary, nameless, ageless kid. Hub was still deployed and we didn't know when we would start trying. Then we were trying and I started imaging a baby one and a half, one and five months, one and four months and on and on until I was imagining Blue Sunday who would be 3 weeks shy of one. I was convinced Blue Sunday was a boy not long into My pregnancy and imagined him in a baby suit. Then T18 happened and I stopped imaging the future at all. After a while, coming out of the fog, I started trying again and imagined instead a 6 month old, a 5 month old and so on until I imagined missing graduation for the best reason ever. Then the dream died. If I get pregnant this month I'll be 7 months along, showing al least, but that dream is quickly slipping away.

I think I am going to start imagining a future of injections, exams and IVF... At least if all that doesn't happen it is a positive (assuming it's because I'm pregnant).

Note: I really thought this was going to be a positive post......

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