Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Sad Today

Sad Today.

Crushingly sad.


Ahh the question I am never supposed to ask. It's been a why day- Why my baby, why me, why am I not pregnant.

Why am I sad?

I am ready to be a mom, and yet, I am not. Why?

Why isn't my body in tune with my mind?

I was half-listening to iTunes when The Man I'll Never Be came on (Boston). I could have sworn I heard "The mom I'll never be". Insert crying jag here. Then I was looking for a pen in the office drawer, and I found the chalk I bought to make this, about a year ago now:

I was so fucking sure of my self. What an asshole.

I can't get any stronger
I can't climb any higher
You'll never know just how hard I've tried
Cry a little longer
And hold a little tighter
Emotions can't be satisfied

Boston, The Man I'll Never Be


  1. This makes me sad. I love your sign. It's not fair. My situation is a little different, as I already have a 5 year old, but it's been over a year since my Isla was stillborn and I've a miscarriage since. So I am frustrated by my inability to get and stay pregnant too. I hope it happens for you soon. I just wanted to offer support and a virtual hug. :-)

    1. Thanks Katy. I feel like there is no good way to get through this some days. I'm sorry for your losses. I really think those with late losses should be exempt from miscarriages. How much can one heart take? Hugs to you.