I am so overwhelmed.
I know people say this all the time, but I mean I am overwhelmed in a chronically, almost debilitating way.
This isn't: OMG I have 2 finals, Christmas shopping and family drama to deal with.
This is: OMG my entire life is about to change while simultaneously falling apart!
I am nearly crying at my desk because I am interviewing people to fill in for me over my leave and I don't want either of them to be disappointed. Seriously.
When I get overwhelmed I do this really maladaptive thing where I take on more new tasks so that I can accomplish something I want to get done. Like right now, I am writing a new blog post instead of choosing a candidate, answering e-mails, registering for baby stuff, dealing with finances and scheduling the rest of my day. On top of that behavior, I also become a flighty, unfocused space cadet. Essentially, I become the stereotypical blonde that I have never been. I have TWO emails open, this post and three articles I am "reading".
I thought may be addressing all the reasons I'm stressed will help. I like seeing things in lists. So here you are- my life:
1) Construction Destruction- My house is under serious renovation. There is no living room, hallway, walls or ceiling in the stair way or upstairs foyer. All those places are studs and flooring. Really, that's it. The living room windows will take another week to come in, the eletrician needs another 5 days or so and we need to insulate. THEN we can hire a dry-waller. This leads to issue 2.
2) Our Government Sucks Balls- I'm from the USA (obviously?) and not especially political (NOTE from the great re-posting: Bald-faced lie. I am very political- I just hate all of them). I really don't like either party, but I'm not apathetic by any means. I get that people who go into politics are a type- egocentric, right-fighters, have strongly held beliefs. Those attributes don't make compromise, humility and working together very easy... but that's their job. Because they can't do their job, my hub doesn't have drill this month- that's about 500$- also known about the remainder due to the electrician. We are fortunate that because hub was deployed the government pays him to go to school. I'm not saying this is something that we need to have provided to us as a vet family, but it is something that is 1) offered and 2) promised. They are now saying that GI Bill benefits will continued to be paid but- oops- they might not actually have the cash on hand to pay it.... so it won't be paid, right? That's 1300.... also know as about what we will owe a dry-waller. I am reasonably sure this means DIY construction completion.. at least we gain a weekend..?
3) Work Does Too- I have super awesome peers. Everything else is a nightmare. I am immersed in a project that is going to take about 8 hours of work.. that I KNOW no one is going to look at. It is a "need to have it now" emergency to produce it. Are we aware of #2? The reason for #2 is a government shutdown. This includes Federal Drug Regulation authorities. There is no one to process new trials IF we decided to do one based on the work I'm doing that no one is going to look at anyways. Yesterday we FedEx'ed something to the government. it was closed and Fed-Ex returned to sender. Almost funny.. almost. My bonus is tied to meeting certain deadlines as a company.. getting this in was one of them. We have now missed the goal.
4) Apparently I Might Get a Baby... And That Means A LOT of Planning- This is a great news/ slightly stressful news situation. Overall this a totally wonderful, awesome, fantastic things. Clearly. That said, after having a loss, and being so close and losing it all, it's hard to be purely excited. There is always the fear of something awful happening again.I focus on the small details.. and it is making me crazy. I am now stuck in a state of mild panic- I want to plan the little details (curtain color? rug? stroller type?) but I'm too afraid of hexing my good luck thus far.