Wednesday, October 8, 2014

They Say You Can Never Go Home Again

I want to come back here. It feels odd, knowing this is being read by people I see often in my off-line life. But this is part of my life, too. It's an outlet, a creative space and something that I have made contacts through. Some of those contacts are friends. Even if we haven't met I value them (you). I don't want to leave this community.

I got a message yesterday from someone thanking me for a post. She is facing termination for T18. It was apropos, as I was debating with myself what do do here. It sealed my decision. 

This space will Change, but not disappear. I am slowly reactivating old posts- after proof-reading them. It's difficult to say the least. I am re-reading to remove information about people in my "real" life. That requires a re-read of everything though, and it is not fun to look back on many of my thought and feelings in the last almost-two years.  These were the darkest time of my life, and the best times too.

I can't promise at this point that I'll be here often, or what the content will be. But I invite you to stay on, to read through the happier side of this journey of mine.

If you know me, I will not ask you to leave, I won't even ask you to tell me you're reading (though I think you should). What I do ask is that you read some of the old posts, if you haven't already. I think the reminder of the anguish that was will make the occasional negative emotions expressed here make more sense. I also ask that you remember this is the place I come to vent the negative. This is the place where I feel comfortable doing that.

Here is a sampling of the ones I think are the most important to look back on:

The diagnosis, part one and part two
A few peeks at the sadness
and then infertility
pregnant at last, and the drama of that

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