I had been feeling SO well.
I made it through a Wednesday (the 15th one since our loss) without a tear. I didn't dwell on how far along in my pregnancy I would have been. I was even feeling hopeful about my chances this month! Then.. I fell apart for no reason in particular. Which is both the worst and the best reason, right? I started feeling myself slipping on the ride home, Mrs. Wonderful kept getting negative HPTs and I really wanted them to be positive for her. I got home to an empty house, which I hate. Hub has class on Thursdays and doesn't get in until after 9. I snuggled up on the couch and was looking forward to bad TV and relaxing-- but I was just feeling sad, sad, sad. Hub called on his break for some unknown reason, and I was a blubbering mess. Being a FANTASTIC husband he came home to me.
Today (Friday) has been much better emotion wise, but I am sick as a dog. I wanted to leave work early, but was on call for a meeting that went until 2. Then my bosses boss had a question for me, but asked my to come by at 3. And THEN he scheduled a "meeting" at the bar downstairs at 4:30. I never socialize so I felt obligated to go. I stayed for about an hour and then had to bomb home to get to the dinner party of a friend, which was fun.
En route, I got a text saying BFN and spotting from Mrs. Wonderful. I just cried and cried. SO. NOT. FAIR. After that my own hopefulness just drained and I said F it and had some wine. Wine + Friends + Really good food + warm night = Improving Mood.
How I feel:
How I want to feel:
Picture 2 is from
I get knocked down, but I get back up again
You're never gonna keep me down