Sunday, September 30, 2012

Pregnancy is easy... for everyone else.

I haven't updated in some time, again. I have a creative writing style post in draft that I have been working on for some time. This is just an update on how it feels to be left behind.

Many of my babylost friends have become pregnant. 3 from the TFMR 6+ months of trying club in the past 2 months. Another 3 from the TFMR (less than 6 months of trying) board this month. Other babylost have recently given or are about to give birth. Mrs. Wonderful is hitting V-day on Thursday (week 24!). That is so wonderful, and I am so, so happy for her, happy for all of them, but we were trying together. And now Mrs. Wonderful has known she's pregnant for 5 MONTHS now. And I am exactly where I was way back when she started in April. This is my 8th cycle. Had I gotten pregnant that first month of trying, I'd be due next month (well November, next month and one day).

There are babies galore popping up on my facebook page. I just can't stand looking at it anymore. I have become very sad and bitter, just in general. I was shopping today and saw the cutest baby things. And I found myself wondering, will I ever need those?

More and more, I'm losing hope and losing control. I finally called for an acupuncture appointment (Thursday at 6:30!) and we made a spending and savings plan to get our finances in order for ART/ Adoption. I'm sitting here doing good things, things to help myself and my hub, but still feeling like there is nothing really that I can do. I have my yearly at the GYN in 3 weeks. I am trying to avoid thinking about how it was due in October because last October I did my yearly as part of my 1st prenatal visit. I will likely get a pregnancy test at that appointment, or will have to cancel because I'll have my period.

I'm CD 3 today... still bleeding and not hopeful for this cycle. I really need to get my head in a better place.


  1. Don't lose hope. But I do understand where you are coming from. Wishing you strength and peace to get to where you want to be.