Thursday, May 17, 2012

I Need Somebody, Help


Not Just Anybody, Help

I think I need some advice, I know many of the readers here have TFMR and may be you have some experience.

I was alone with OPG earlier this week. It was incredibly awkward for both of us. At first we didn't really say anything to one another, eventually I got the courage to ask her how she is feeling (tired and forgetful). I told her she looks great, and she does. All round in her belly. She is only three weeks further along than I was on my last day of pregnancy. What a difference a healthy baby makes! She was much bigger than I was at the same time in our pregnancies, and now she is easily double as big as I ever got. She changed the subject and we talked as others came in. The conversation between us faltered and others were soon asking about her big "gender scan" that just happened last week. I felt myself starting to cry. I know she noticed. I excused myself and got some water to compose myself.

I feel like SUCH a bitch. Really I do. I didn't ask how the baby is, when she's due or if it is a boy or a girl. I want to tell her that I am happy for her, because I really am, and that I really hope everything works out wonderfully for her. I just know I can't do this in person.. Do you think it would be okay to write her an e-mail saying something like "I know that I must seem uninterested in your pregnancy. I am really happy for you and your husband. I'm just not to the point that I can talk about pregnancies at work. Everything that happened is still so fresh. Please know that I am not avoiding you out of anything other than keeping my emotions in check in public"

That sounds worse written out than it did in my head. I Feel like I need to say something, but I don't know what. I don't want her to feel uncomfortable around me, and I want her to know I care. May be if I just left it at the first two lines and then say something like "After my situation, I value the miracle of pregnancy that much more and I am so glad that you're having this experience. Congratulations."

I liked it better when I worked with all men, older women and one awful young woman who will forever be single because she's a shrew. May be some day I'll tell you about her. AWFUL.

EDIT 10/3/14- So I am reading back through these in an effort to republish them. I have NO IDEA who I am talking about here- the shrew, not OPG.

I'm Feeling Down

I'm 8DPO today and don't feel hopeful in the least. I haven't POAS and don't plan to until Sunday, and even that might not happen. Why waste it? Last month I had every symptom in the book, and nothing but BFNs, so who knows... may be this is a variation on the old "No news is good news" adage. I think that I am struggling because Blue Sunday's EDD is just 2 weeks from today. I think I'll be taking that day off from work, but haven't decided yet. 
This is the last pregnancy picture I took, literally 30 minutes before I got the call with the 1:5 odds. I was just starting to have a little belly. It didn't get bigger over the next week and 2 days. Excuse my face, I didn't know it would be the last picture and I have no make up and a case of pregnancy acne.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
The Beatles, Help


1 comment:

  1. Send the email. Don't feel like you have to be all big about this. Other people don't know how hard it is to see a pregnant woman, or to talk about a pregnancy. No, no, no! I did all kinds of dumb, painful stuff thinking I HAD to, because I didn't know any better. And people think you have to just accept that other people are pregnant and stuff, and kind of get over it. That is not reality. You need to protect yourself. It's okay that way. {{{hugs}}}