Wednesday, May 23, 2012

SD5????

5/23/12

What's Goin' On, Marvin?

So Monday was not CD 1, just spotting day 3 (SD3). I am now on SD5 and STILL not CD1. What the hell does THIS mean?

I am going to call the doctor tomorrow or once BFRB starts for real, which ever comes first.

 Other People's Thoughts

I read an interesting blog completely unrelated to the BLM community.  I've been feeling like I'm wallowing and want to move beyond that a bit, so instead of BLMing it up on lunch I read about debt reduction in this Blog. To summarize: smart, handsome, well spoken guy realizes that he is 90k in debt after getting his MBA at Harvard Business School (I told you he is smart). He has an excellent job, a home, 3 vehicles- basically living the bachelor version of the American Dream but doesn't want to pay a kigillion dollars in interest and decides he's going to pay off all his loans in 10 months. He certainly has more at his disposal than most (5 figure bonus and stocks to sell being just two of them) but he does some admirable things: cutting entertainment spending, taking on roommates, starting a business. He relates this gem from a professor of his at HBS:

Everybody juggles five fragile balls throughout their lives–health, family, career, friends, and spirit–and the goal, she said, is to not drop and break any of those balls. Because of the training HBS provides its students, the career ball of somebody with a Harvard MBA–all else being equal–is a little bit tougher than the other four balls, and it even has some bounce to it. These properties of the ball allow the juggler to shift some of his/her focus to the other balls more so than one otherwise might have been able to without the MBA. The logic is that if s/he accidentally drops the career ball, the recovery would probably be easier than if one were to drop a different ball.


 
This is interesting to both sides of me:

This first angle is "Lizzy the academic" (though no Harvard grad, I am in the process of attaining a Master's and damn proud of it). My career ball is getting bouncier by the minute, however it is a VERY valuable ball and Lizzy the academic over-values it. It is like I was confused on pick-a-ball day and accidentally went for a Faberge Egg. That it was such an investment- monetarily, time-wise and mentally- I don't want to stop focusing on it, though I do understand that I can bounce back should it drop. I've made an investment in my education and career and part of the reward of that is that I get to focus slightly less on my career ball since it takes care of itself a little bit. I have earned the right to glance away from it from time to time and nurture other things- like my Quest For a Family. But because I invested so much in it, Lizzy the academic can't quite tear herself away.

Then there is Lizzy the human, she can't imagine putting friends and family in the same rotation with something so silly as career and so intrinsic as spirit. My spirit relies on friends and family, at least that gets me down to four- I'm a bad juggler; literally and figuratively. My family ball is rock solid, though small. Hub and I are best friends and each other's strength. We would have loved for Blue Sunday to be here to expand that ball, but we won't drop it because things went badly. Our extended families are wonderful (though a bit crazy). Of friend ball is huge, bounces like a SuperBall from Fun Spot and I don't worry about it in the least. I might be in the position to drop a ball or two right now, but that one stays up all on its own. So now we're down to 4- health, family, friends and career. Career ball academic Lizzy handles, possibly a little too well. Family and friends are important and carefully tended in the rotation.  Health is a strange ball to me and I was struggling with it when I initially read this analogy. Health doesn't take nearly the time as career, family or friends. Even if you did an hour of exercise a day and spent extra time making wholesome food, it doesn't take 10 hours a week. How does it get its own ball. Then I thought about all the time spend on TTC- I guess that is health, especially given Blue Sunday's diagnosis leading to my new circumstances. Then I realized- I have been slacking on my health ball. I've gained weight, I keep saying I'll do yoga and stress less and I don't. I have no respect for the health ball and it shows.

The thing about this analogy is that it doesn't give much credence to the fact that the balls are largely inter-related. My health ball is affecting my family ball (still not pregnant), family ball is affecting friends ball (sad and busy TTC) and career ball (sad) all this affects spirit ball BIG TIME. Once one ball starts slipping it's like you have only a few choices: 1) drop the ball and hope that it a) bounces up high enough that you can grab it and get it back into the rotation, thereby disrupting nothing b) bend over and pick it up when everything else is flying high, drop one ball for a bit everything else okay- may be or 2) stop juggling, just for a second, before you drop anything and get everything re-situated. It will disrupt things just a bit- but better than risking losing everything, right?

I don't think this is how the professor who crafted this analogy meant for it to be interpreted, but that's okay- this resonates with me. This was a big revelation for me and I wanted to include this analogy herein case someone else needed a wake-up.

The wonder ball
Goes round and round
to pass it quickly
you are bound
The Wonder Ball, Unknown

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