Tuesday, July 2, 2013

Feelin' Way Too Damn Good

13 weeks 4 days.

Second Trimester.


I know that this is when most people have a sigh of relief and start to get used to the idea of actually having a baby, it they haven't already. By the end of this trimester, the baby has a shot of survival if born early. For me, the second trimester was The End. I am a ball of nerves. When I think about it that is.

It actually took me a bit to realize that today is day one of the second tri (I like to go with every 13w 3d is a new trimester- getting pregnancy to 39w6d). I can't believe so much time has past. There was a big part of me that assumed that I would have a miscarriage. I think that after having gone through so much loss, struggle and worry that that would be the result. Call me a pessimist.

I am mostly feeling good, really good. I never felt confident with Blue Sunday, I though it was first time fears, but I think I knew, or that Blue Sunday was trying to prepare me. This time, I feel confident that I will have a baby at the end of it. The times I do have a freak out it's when I'm thinking about time and dates.

I am 13 weeks 4 days, I was 17 weeks 4 days when I got the news last time. That means I'm only a month away from that milestone day. I can't believe it is getting so close. I can't imagine how I'm going to feel on that day, or at 19 weeks 6 days, the day we let Blue Sunday go.

A lot of it is the freaky, eerie coincidence of being due on Blue Sunday's death date. 2 years to the day, I am estimated to give birth to Blue Sunday's Little. 1/4/12 to 1/4/14. I can't get Blue Sunday out of my head with that fact weighing down on me. That means that whole time is a minefield.
Christmas day- the last happy day
Boxing Day-  day of the odds
December 27th- day of the amnio
December 29- results.
The worst New Year's ever December 31st and January 1st.
January 2nd- The longest day
January 3rd - the beginning of the end
and finally
January 4th- The End.

I was saying to hub on our VERY wet and rainy trip that I would really like Take Two born before Christmas. Not just because I long to dress a teeny tiny baby up in "My First Christmas" gear, but because I want this baby to have their own time, and to soften Blue Sunday's time. Is that selfish?

I know it doesn't matter IF Take Two comes, it will be on his or her own time. 

I just would like to prep myself.

Cause something's gotta go wrong,
Cause I'm feelin' way too damn good
Nickelback, Feelin' Way Too Damn Good

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