Friday, May 17, 2013

Almost There

It is Friday at 2pm.  I'm about 67 hours and 15 minutes from ultrasound

I am 67 hours and 15 minutes from crossing off one fear or having one realized.

I didn't think this was how pregnancy would be for me. I don't know why, I'm neurotic about everything else. May be because last time, with Blue Sunday, it was relatively easy for me (until, you know, it wasn't). I didn't really worry about a miscarriage at all, and I didn't know what a chemical pregnancy was. I did have a scare when I fell down the stairs and then lost my pregnancy symptoms. I was only 6 weeks 1 day at the time, symptoms weren't strong at the time, but my doc let me come in and do betas. After the second one, I had an ultrasound at 6 weeks 4 days and saw Blue Sunday's heart-beating away, I had a slight scare at 10 weeks 1 day when I started bleeding, but it was fine then too. It was just over a week later when we had the NT scan that was alarming, but only in retrospect.

At none of those times did I seriously think that the baby wasn't going to be there. But I never felt at ease in Blue Sunday's pregnancy. Never.

This time, I DO feel positive. Most of me feels pretty sure that I will be taking a  baby home in the winter.


But I also feel like every appointment, every day, every time I go to the bathroom that something is going to have gone wrong. I will look stupid, planning on taking a baby home in the winter and not even getting through the first 2 months.

So I wait, full of stress, for Monday. When I can get answers on why I keep getting random, sharp pains in my lower abdomen. Everything I have looked at points to round ligament pain.. but I'm 7 weeks- not 27 or even 17. Anything before the start of the second trimester is unusual for RLP. It is scaring the crap out of me.
1) Is it not RLP and instead miscarriage pain? 2) are there multiple kids in there?

I am still exhausted and sick. I worked from home yesterday because I just couldn't get out f bed. I slept until 8:30, took a nap for an hour at 4:30 and was in bed for the night at 10.

After the nap and before bed, we went to JAM's and told them about the pregnancy. I've seen them twice since I found out, but both times was with a crowd, and I wanted to tell them gently and privately in-case they had a sad reaction. They didn't and seemed really excited for us, which was awesome.

So overall things are good- stressful, but good.

I'll update on Monday.

65 hours and 45 minutes...

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