Thursday, January 12, 2012

Sweet Dreams and Flying Machines

In pieces on the ground

Sigh. That is hands down my favorite line in all of songwriting.

Sweet dreams and flying machines/ in pieces on the ground

James Taylor, Fire and Rain. That's how I feel today, on what should have been the mid way point in my pregnancy. That song is going to be on loop for the coming weeks and months. It is simply perfect for how I am feeling-- my world has crashed down around me.

I feel better than I did yesterday, physically. I started bleeding again, it was never much to begin with, but it was nearly non-existent until today, now bleeding. I was hoping I was nearing the end so that my body can get ready for cycle 1 hopefully in 3 weeks. Looking unlikely now.

While writing a blog is a big relief for me, it is hard to read the blogs of others. I can't find very many who have had a chromosomal loss, most of the baby loss blogs are early miscarriages and when the women reach the second trimester in later pregnancies there is a palpable sense of relief. I won't get that until after 20 weeks IF I ever get pregnant again.  Sigh.

If you're out there reading this, feel free to comment. I wonder who my audience is, I see in stats people are reading it but I have no idea who you are!


  1. I found you through BC. I have wondered why more women in your situation don't blog. There is a real need for blogs like least i think so. Keep moving forward, and sharing your story.

  2. Thank you, April. I hope I will eventually help someone else in this situation.

  3. I found your blog through Babycenter, and I kept reading because I've been where you are. My baby Ayden was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 and we terminated at 20 weeks. It will be 3 years in May & not a day goes by I don't think of him. It has gotten easier, but I'm still prone to crying jags here & there. What helped me the most was time, and hearing from other moms in the same situation so I knew I wasn't alone. And the biggest thing? I had a healthy baby girl on December 14! I was a wreck through the whole pregnancy, took every screening test they would offer, even asked for an amino but the dr said no way because the blood tests & regular ultrasounds looked great. When she's older, she will hear all about her big brother in Heaven. He'll always be a part of our family. Just know that you are not alone, put one foot in front of the other & go day by day for as long as you need to. There will be a silver lining!

  4. Thank you so much for your comment. Congrats on your little girl. I'm sure that she more than anything helps to sooth your heart.

  5. I'm reading now. And I'm glad to have found you. I started writing my story because I couldn't find any others out there and I longed for the connection. I wrote most of it down before I went live with my blog. And now here we are together. Hopefully others will find us and the strength to share.


  6. I know this is a really old post, but I've been reading back through, I feel the same was. Lots of miscarriage blogs, lots of stillbirth blogs, not a lot of TFMR blogs. I find I identify with the stillbirth more than the miscarriage blogs but it is still not the same. We TFMR not because of a trisomy, but due to severe, fatal hydrocephalus and a brain cyst. Thinking of you, Blue Sunday, and your new little one on the way.